A Man's Weekend

(October 2012)

This weekend Michael was able to add some much needed points on his "Man Card".  It all started Friday evening when I got to the hospital a little earlier than usual.  It was such a nice evening so Mike talked me into taking him outside.  It wasn't hard, he just gave me a thumbs us when I asked if he wanted to go. I grabbed his football, went outside, and then had an epic game of catch.  Mike has been able to catch his football for quite some time but Friday he definitely took it up a notch. He caught almost everything I tossed to him and from a much farther distance and then he would toss the ball back to me.  I was shocked at what he was able to do. Now before you get images of Mike grabbing the football and throwing it back it's not quite like that.  He can't use his hand to grab the football, so he moves it to the crook of his arm and pops it over to me.  I would laugh and Mike would smile it was really fun.

After the game of catch, we went back in to get ready to watch the BYU game.  Luckily for Mike his friend Sean comes and watches the games with him, Mike needs all the male bonding he can get.  As we were waiting, I turned the TV to a super girly show which Mike did not like.  He finally got sick of it and grabbed the remote and moved it up to his eyes to try to figure out which buttons to push to make the girliness stop.  He couldn't quite figure it out so I told him I would change the channel for him if he would give me the remote.  He handed it over RIGHT AWAY, I don't usually make him watch my shows so I thought he was totally over reacting.  I did have mercy on him and turned it to a more natural show.  Soon his friend came and the game started so I left him to enjoy some man time. 

Saturday the manliness continues with another game of catch between sessions of LDS General Conference.  Mike did even move amazing than the day before I was so proud of him.  Later that evening my nephews came by so we decided to have a mini football game with Mike.

The rules of the game:
1. The football is tossed to Mike
2. Mike hikes the ball it to his teammate
3. The teammate runs and touches the fence before being tagged by the rest of us. 

It was really fun and after playing for a while I finally thought to record what was going on.  I don't know if Mike suddenly got tired or was camera shy but he totally clammed up (this isn't the firs time). 

The best, most manly part of the weekend was that Michael attended the priesthood session of conference.  He has not been able to attend for the past two years.  I got Mike dressed really nice and then his friend Sean came to get him.  He walked him to a chapel that was just a couple of blocks away.  Mike stayed awake and alert for the whole session and really enjoyed it (reported to me by his friend).  I love that Mike could do this. The weekend ended with another manly activity, Mike basically napped all of Sunday.

This is the video of Mike playing football with the nephews.  He was already dressed for the priesthood session that is why he is so fancy.  He did way better than this but this will give you and idea of what he does and how nice he looked for priesthood.

Ice Ice Baby

(Sept 2012)

 

"When a girl has a heart of stone, there's only one way to melt it...just add ice" 

This is not just the best quote of all times it's the tag line to the critically acclaimed movie Vanilla Ice Cool as Ice.  If you haven't seen this movie you are missing out.  The movie was made in the height of Vanilla Ice's fame, circa 1991.You may think that Vanilla Ice wasn't popular long enough to make a movie but you would be wrong.  I'm sure the fact that the movie couldn't have taken longer to make than two weeks helps with the time table.  I love this movie, it's so bad it's good and it has the best one liners ever like "yo yo Kat, drop that zero and get with the hero" or "lookie lookie lookie in Kat's black bookie".  Not only is this a great movie but it also helped Mike and I get together.  I love Vanilla Ice Cool as Ice and Mike went to a Vanilla Ice concert so it was the first connection we made (thanks Vanilla).

Last week I turned my love of Vanilla Ice into a fun double date.  Actually I can't take the credit it was my cousin Pearl's idea.  She called me a few weeks ago and suggested we have a Vanilla Ice viewing double date and of course I jumped all over that idea.  So last week Pearl and her husband Mat and Mike and I got together to PARTY.  I had to bring a VCR to watch the movie because it's only available on VHS (I actually own the movie) but it was worth it.

We made homemade vanilla ice cream (get it? hmmm?)

We ate ice cream, popped (or should I say burned) popcorn. 

 

 

Then watched the movie, all in all it was a fun evening.

 

I like doing double dates, it adds interest to our lives, so if anyone is interested in a fun filled evening at a nursing home let me know. Trust me, you don't know fun until you hang with Mike and me.

 

 

My Wedding Day

(May 1, 2010)

The day I was going to get married.......

Expectation:

 

 

Reality:

 

I could leave the post like this but there was so much more that happened that day.  To start off my wedding day turned from a day I was looking forward to to a day I was dreading.  I didn't know how I was going to handle the reality of that day, but soon the day was upon me.  There was both good and bad about the day, it was full of contrasts between expectations and reality.

 

Expectation:

Prior to our wedding Mike and I would go to the courthouse to get a marriage license.

 

Reality:

The day before my wedding day Lauri and I went to the Court House so that she could become Michael's ward.  She had to have a lawyer and so did Mike but for some reason Lauri had to pay for both (go figure).  The lawyer presented to the judge that Michael was a completely invalid and that the only thing he could do was open one eye.  I was about to object because Michael could open both eyes but I decided to keep my mouth shut.  Mikes lawyer didn't object and the next thing you know Lauri took control over Michael's life.

 

 

Expectation:

A wedding breakfast with family and friends.

 

Reality:

A not getting married breakfast with family and friends.  My mother and sisters organized special events for me to help me through the day  They started by inviting close friends and family over to my place for a fantastic breakfast. It was very good and I enjoyed all the support. My mom cooks a mean breakfast so it was perfect.

 

 

Expectation:

Michael and I would go to the Salt Lake Temple and be sealed together for time and eternity

 

Reality:

I went to the hospital to spend the day with Michael.

 

 

Expectation:

There would be a big party to celebrate our wedding with those I love the most.

 

Reality:

My sisters, mother, sister-in-laws, and some cousins banded together to give my bedroom a much needed makeover.  They all chipped in and went shopping together to renovate my room.  They had a great time picking things out and somehow with all those opinions didn't have a hard time agreeing.  They had time to shop and decorate my room with some help from Lauri.  This was such a wonderful gesture I really liked my room but I loved that they all had such a good time together doing this for me.

 

 

Expectation:

Mike and I would decide where we would live together.

 

Reality:

On the day I was going to get married we HAD to find a nursing home for Mike to go to.  He wasn't able to stay at the hospital anymore and needed a new place to go.  The thought of having to send him to a nursing home was overwhelming and Lauri didn't want me to have to deal with it on my wedding day so she went alone to find a place.  This was not a pleasant experience for her to say the least but she did it alone for me (what a great future mother-in-law). 

 

 

Expectation:

Mike and I would drive off to our honeymoon after the reception.

 

Reality:

On my way home from the hospital I ran over this crazy nail and got a flat tire in the rain.

 

 

Expectation:

We would go to some fancy schmancy hotel to spend the night.

 

Reality:

When I got home my room was redecorated with all the cute things my family had gotten earlier that day.  My room was supper cute and I loved it.  It was fun having a new room to spend the night in.

 

 

So what was good and bad about this day?  Well to be honest besides the whole not getting married part, most of the day pretty good (well as good as it could be).  Even things that seemed horrible at the time turned out not to be so horrible.   Having my family make my "not getting married day" special actually helped me get though it much better than just ignoring the day.  Lauri had the worst of it, but I'm sure she will be rewarded in heaven for what she did. 

 

It seems like there should be some great lesson to be learned from all of this and that I would now share it with you.  The only thing I can say is that we are stronger than we think we are,  and that love and kindness can go a long way.  Someday I will have a different wedding day that will be more joyful than this one but it will be filled with just as much love.

 

 



The Song of The Righteous is a Prayer Unto Me

(April 2010)

 

 As a kid I had a hard time appreciating hymns, they didn't have a cool beat like "Wake me up before you go go" or other equally cool 80's songs and they seemed to go on forever.  It wasn't until I was a little more mature (ok basically my mission) before I not only appreciated hymns, but I loved them.  It's hard for me to imagine not loving hymns, there is something about singing those simple words that can be so profound and can bring such a sweet spirit and understanding. 

 

After "the accident" it was a very difficult time, everyday I faced a barrage of difficult decisions and situations.  Every morning on my way back to the hospital I would try to prep myself for the unknown horrors I was about to face.  I would sing to my self a line from Come Come ye Saints hymn #30 "Gird up your loins; fresh courage take. Our God will never us forsake; and soon we'll have this tale to tell.  All is well all is well" It would give me courage and help me "gird up my loins" and face whatever needed to be faced (without the context of scriptures this does sound kind of funny but you get my drift). 

 

We would often have the hymns playing in Mike's room which added to the strong spirit already present there.  His room truly felt like a sacred space. Often nurses or CNAs would linger in or near his room and comment on how much they liked the music.  The hymns were a life line and helped us through some difficult times.  Of all the hymns we listened to and sang during this time the one that stands out the most and helped me more than any other is How Firm a Foundation Hymn #85.

 

My deep love of this particular hymn started in the hospital but grew immensely when we moved to the worst place in the world, the Specialty Hospital (this awful place will get it's own post).  A few days after moving there it was general conference and while we were listening to it with Mike the choir sang How Firm a Foundation. It touched us all especially Mike, he really responded to the song he even raised his arm in the air while they sang.  After that experience, I started examining the words to that song and what they truly meant.  The first three verses are what is normally sang with the last verse thrown in on special occasions and I love what they all say. But as I read the fourth and fifth verse I don't know why we neglect them, they really resonated with me especially the words "deep waters" and "river of sorrows".  This song speaks to me at helps me feel my firm foundation in Christ and my tremendous faith in him.  Also that the Lord is mindful of us and will never forsake us and that he knows the hard things we face and will sanctify them for our good.

 

A side note to this hymn; while still in the Specialty Hospital the young woman from my ward came to visit (I was their camp leader) to sing hymns.  I requested How Firm a Foundation which they sang beautifully but to my surprise when they finished the obligatory third verse they did not stop, they sang all seven verses.  All the other songs that night they had stopped after the first verse or the after the main verses.  It was so sweet to hear them sing those touching verses I stared to cry and there wasn't a dry eye as they finished.  Thank you 5th ward young woman, you really touched me and Mike that night.

 

Below is the Tabernacle Choir singing and also all the words to the hymn for your  listening and reading pleasure.

 



1. How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

2. In ev’ry condition—in sickness, in health,
In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea—
As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

5. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, thy dross to consume,
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

6. E’en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sov’reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still, like lambs shall they still,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

7. The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

Explosions are Flowers For Men

(Dec 2009)

I've decided to have a guest blog post again.  This time it is going to be from Michael himself this is something he wrote when we were dating.  Michael always said he liked my sass (I think he may feel differently these days) and I think this proves it. This post is an encounter we had while we were dating.  I like it because I totally won and he liked it:

Last night, I was having a discussion with my girlfriend, Lisa, about the differences between Men and Women. In case you are unaware, there ARE differences. It was rather insightful, so I decided to post a couple of the highlights here.

 
First, Men are jerks and Women are crazy. But there is a reason for it. Men are very analytical people. We rely on logic and reason and try our hardest to keep emotions and feelings out of our decisions. So when we don’t take into account a women’s feelings, we end up coming across as jerks. Conversely, women tend to think with their emotions and feelings. And those don’t make any logical sense. So we end up seeing women as crazy.

 
The real reason that this is becomes a problem is that men judge women as if they were men. The same is true of women. They expect men to make decisions like women. When a women says, “He was such a jerk! He didn’t even think about how I would feel about that!”, the guy isn’t trying to be a jerk. He simply has no idea how to think about that. He can try, and will occasionally have success, but by far and wide, he will not have any clue on how to do that. And when a women goes and buys her 50th pair of shoes, the guy will get upset. That’s because he doesn’t understand why she needs yet another when she already has 49 other perfectly good pairs. Currently, I own 4 pairs of shoes. A dress pair, an everyday pair, a work pair (which is the old everyday pair), and my riding boots. Why would anyone need more than that? Ok. Maybe a couple more pairs, if they have a specific purpose. But no more than about 8. But a woman will buy a $100 pair of shoes to go with an outfit that they wear once a year. How does that make sense? But like I said, the reason for these misunderstandings is because men are judging women by mens standards and also, women are holding men to womens standards.

 
Second, she finally helped me to understand why women like when men give women flowers. Here’s the conversation to the best of my recollection.

 
Me: Why do women like flowers? I mean, I understand the WHAT of it all, it’s just the WHY that I don’t get. I mean, I know that if I’m in the doghouse, or if you’re having a bad day, I can get you flowers and things will be better. But WHY is that?

 
Her: First off, it really depends on what you did to get in the doghouse. Flowers may not be enough.

 
Me: Fair enough.

 
Her: Second, it means that you went and did something really outside of your norm that it couldn’t be anything other than completely for me.

 
Me: So, it’s a test?

 
Her: Well it’s more than that. That’s only a small part of it. The real reason is that they’re also pretty and they smell good.

 
Me: You’re proving my point. What purpose does that serve? I mean, last week, when I was having a really bad day, you took me out to my favorite place to eat and bought me dinner.

 
Her: Yeah. You ate it and it was gone. At least flowers last.

 
Me: Not that long. And besides, dinner at In-N-Out was taking something that I would have done anyway and did it for me, so I didn’t have to do it. It wasn’t doing something for the sake of doing something. It was taking something that I would have done anyway and doing it for me. And doing it in the best possible way.

 
Her: But they are pretty and they smell good. We like those types of things.

 
Me: But WHY? It doesn’t serve a purpose.

 
Her: Let me try this another way. What if I gave you an explosion? I don’t mean blowing something up that needed blowing up. Just taking you somewhere and igniting a bunch of explosives. Just blowing stuff up for the sake of blowing stuff up.

 
Me (thinking): I don’t like where this is going.

 
Her: Would you like that?

 
Me: …

 
Her: Would you like to go out to the desert and light off explosives?

 
Me: …

 
Her: Why would you like to go out to the desert and blow stuff up?

 
Me: …

 
Her: It’s because it looks pretty and smells good.

 
Game, Set, and Match. I thought I was doing pretty good right up until the end. Then Bam! I was against the ropes. I had nothing.

 
Finally, the funniest part to me was how we ended this conversation.

 
Me: Babe, I’m glad that you love me despite the fact that I’m a jerk.

 
Her: And I’m glad that you love me despite the fact that you think I’m crazy.

Shirt Cutters Will Be Prosecuted

(November 2010)

From the moment Michael was in "The Accident" Mike and I  have had no control over our lives (well most of our lives).  The doctors, and nurses, and hospitals are in control.  At first you barely notice but as time goes on the helpless feeling sets in and you begin to get frustrated.  Lauri and I have had to fight tooth and nail for every little thing to help Michael and by the fall of the first year we were already worn out.  We had just had the most epic battle to get his trach removed (I will give more details in a different post) and Mikes day to day life was in the hands of "the facility".  This is where my story of lies, betrayal, and triumph begins......

It all started on very depressing day, well the day itself wasn't really depressing I was just having a sad day.  I went to the facility to see Michael in the evening, which always cheered me up, and I noticed he was wearing the shirt I gave him our first Christmas together (very sentimental).  This made me happy because I liked the shirt and it was good to see him in it.  I bent down to give Michael a hug and to my horror I found that the shirt had a slit all the way up the back.  I was devastated the shirt that had so much meaning to me was ruined.  For a little background info when Mike had his trach in we did have some shirts that we cut up the back so he could wear shirts and shorts instead of a hospital gown but he didn't have a trach anymore and could wear normal shirts. I felt so helpless that someone could just cut his shirt and there was nothing I could do about it.  I gave the CNAs a break because we did have some cut shirts for Mike to wear and I reasoned that they must have thought that's how his shirts were supposed to be.  It was too bad the lesson had to be learned on my favorite shirt.  I told the CNAs not to cut Mike's shirts and left them a sign on the white board so the could remember. The sign wasn't just clever it was a real depiction of what happened when they cut Mike's shirt.

The sign seemed to work Mike's shirts stayed intact and I felt like the unfortunate event was and isolated incident.  Then a couple of weeks or so later the unthinkable happened when Lauri was visiting we discovered that the shirt Mike was wearing had been cut and not only that but we found another shirt that had also been cut.  We asked who was cutting Mike's shirts and of course no one had any idea everyone seemed surprised, it's like a phantom was coming in and cutting Mikes shirts.  I can't explain what happened to me but it wasn't pretty.  I was like the Grinch who stole Christmas but instead of my heart growing 4 sizes it was my frustration that grew.  I just couldn't take it, the feeling of complete helplessness that I had been feeling from the beginning was compounded by the fact the I couldn't even prevent Mike's shirts from being vandalized and I just snapped.  That night I tried to sleep it off but I couldn't take it anymore I was taking back some control of my life.  The next morning I went to my computer and started making signs. I made several "Do not cut Mike's shirts" signs then I found a "Shoplifters will be prosecuted" sign on the internet and changed it to Shirt cutters. Then I drew a few cartoon signs do drive the point home.

I put the signs up all over Mike's room and I put the "shirt cutters will be prosecuted" over his bed so they couldn't miss it.  A little childish? maybe but it worked, Mike's shirts have never been cut again.  The signs were taken down a month of so later by the facility.  They said the State came in and made them take the signs down but I have a sneaking suspicion they took the signs down before the State got there (I would have).  They told us "Everyone knows not to cut Mike's shirts".  It's funny that this little rebellion really did make me feel like I was taking back some control in my life.  Now at least there is one thing I have control over, I can keep Mike's shirts whole (who knew that could ever be an accomplishment).

Side note: the cute pock-a-dot pillowcase you see in the picture was only used this one time then it came up missing and so did the shirt you see Michael in but that is a different not so triumphant story.

There is No Easy Way to Say.......

(March 2010)

......Your Son is Going to Die

After the first day the main focus was on getting Mikes brain to stop swelling to prevent further damage.  There was a monitor in his head that would tell what the pressure was and a shunt in his head to drain the fluid (brain juice) around his head when the pressure got too high.  The pressure would go up and then back down we were watching all monitors like a hawk and knew what every number meant and what they should be.  Things would change with Mike for good and bad in the blink of an eye and so did our moods and emotions.  It was a taxing visual but there was such a sweet spirit in his room it felt like a sacred place and we often played soft music and hymns for Mike.

The next day we came in and Tom the trauma PA (remember him from the first day? booo)  showed us that Mikes brain had stopped swelling and things seemed to be turning around he thought that by the next day they would be able to get a clear cat scan.  He told us that the neuro surgeon would be very pleased and that he was "cautiously optimistic"about things.  We were all so excited, finally our thoughts and feelings about Michael living and getting better were being manifested.  We thought this was the start to really good things and the mood the rest of that day was much lighter and hopeful. 

Despite our high hopes I didn't get a good nights sleep and soon I was back at the ICU to see Mike.  I had gotten there a bit early and  was waiting for the visitor nazis to let me in.  As I sat quietly I had this overwhelming feeling that today was not going to be a good day.  Lauri and Aunt Debbi came and waited with me and talked about what we should do with Mikes bills and stuff.  Then we were finally granted permission to enter.  Tom found us and wanted to tell us about the cat scan.  We stood around him as he pulled up the cat scan, then he looked at us and said "This is the cat scan of a man who will never ride a motorcycle again."  Lauri replied "good I don't want him riding one ever again" then leaned over to look at what a cat scan looks like if you are never going to ride again.  Seeing that we weren't getting at what he was trying to say he regrouped and told us "now that the swelling is down we can really see the damage and he has a lot of damage".  We all leaned forward as he starts pointing to different areas on the cat scan.  "See here..and here..and here..and a lot of damage here..and here..and......".  He kept pointing and pointing it was getting annoying then he turns to us and said "so I give him 5%".  We all looked at him with a blank stairs not getting what he was talking about finally we had to admit our stupidity.  "Five percent of what?" we asked and suddenly Tom looked very uncomfortable and just blurted out "that he will live". We couldn't believe what he was saying (even despite the fact that he told us he could die the first day) first he was talking about being cautiously optimistic and Mike not riding a motorcycle and now he is saying he is going to die, very confusing. Then he told us that given the trauma to Mikes brain that if by chance he doesn't die there is only a 2% chance that he would NOT be a complete vegetable, and if by chance he wasn't  complete vegetable there was 7% chance that he could ever live without complete care.  What a crappy thing to be told first thing in the morning. 

This information was devastating and confusing given the strong feelings we were having about Mike and his recovery. I took the day to digest what we were told and by the end of the day I still knew that Mike wasn't going to die.  I had concerns about his head trauma but the Lord made it clear to me that he was aware and Mike was in his care.  My premonition had been right, this day was hard, I thought it might have been harder than the first day but I was able to drive myself home so probably not. As I think about Mikes prognosis now, it makes me realize how far he has come, he has beaten two astronomical odds: 1. He is alive.  2. He is not a vegetable. Now he only has one more odd to beat and I think he can do it.

Although this story is very serious and the things Tom told us were devastating and horrible, when ever Lauri and I talk about this it totally cracks us up.  The main reason is that it took us months to realize that when Tom said "This is the cat scan of a man who will never ride a motorcycle again" it was his way of breaking it to us easy that Mike was going to die.  It not only didn't work but confused us so much that by the time he said 5% we had no clue what he was talking about.  Also for some reason all the constant pointing at the damage is now funny to us.  Don't get me wrong it wasn't funny at the time but you gain a sick sense of humor when you go through terrible things.  This is not the only inappropriate thing Lauri and I laugh hysterically at. For those of you who don't think this is funny all I can say is "I guess you had to be there".