The Wedding Six Years in the Making

As I sat quietly on my couch the night before my wedding the earth seemed to stand still for a moment.  I contemplated all that had happened to bring us to this point and all that may or may not happen after that point.  Were the Dr.s right?  Was Mike going to die before we could finally get married? In my quiet contemplation I knew that I was in the middle of a grand miracle.

I don't know why it's so hard for some people to get married but it was definitely hard for me.  After many failed attempts at dating I often wondered if I would ever marry or if being a sassy single was my lot in life.  I remember one night in particular, when I was in my early thirties, that the question weighed on my mind and I had an overwhelming feeling that I indeed would find someone and marry. A year or two after that I started dating Mike and our slow march to marriage began. You would think that after waiting 35 years to meet your husband then enduring the aftermath of a tragic accident and waiting another six years to set a date, that preparing for the wedding would be the easy part. But like I said getting married is harder for some people than others and it would take a miracle or miracles.

The start of 2015 Mike and I had finally felt like it was time for us to be married and we decided on a new wedding date September 25th, we were excited to finally be moving forward with our lives and our plans and felt like this would give us enough time to prepare and plan for our wedding.  Immediately after we made our plans public (in april) our stroll to wedded bliss was abruptly interrupted.  The weekend I made our plans public I was attending my sisters bridal shower and I got a call from Lauri telling me that after more than a year of good health and great strides forward, Mike was sent to the ER.  I took this news hard I was not anticipating poor health being part of our wedding plans.  I did not want to go down this road for a hundred reasons but I also knew that I had no choice so after some tears, prayers and a blessing from my dad I pulled myself together and made the long drive home to go be with Mike.

Mike was still in the ER by the time I got to the hospital (several hour later).  He had thrown up earlier and had aspirated and was having problems breathing.  We were admitted to the hospital where they got his breathing/pneumonia under control quickly but there was a new problem that had emerged and was the reason Mike threw up in the first place, he wasn't digesting his food.  For a week they tried several things and finally Mike started to digest his food. He seemed to be doing well so they sent him back to the facility.  I was relieved and felt this was just a small speed bump and we would get back on track in no time.  This was not the case.  Mike was back in his room but he was not getting any better.  He could digest his food but only barely he had to be on half the amount as normal and he was just not feeling well at all. For weeks they ran several tests and he visited a few Dr.s but no one could figure out what was wrong and Mike couldn't tell us.  After seeing a GI Dr. that couldn't find the problem the Dr. decided to start over from scratch and ordered a bunch of blood work and xrays. The x-ray of his abdomen came back that afternoon and as soon as the Dr. saw it she informed the nurses to get Mike to the hospital asap.  She saw what she thought was a hole in his intestines and that is a BIG problem (miracle 1).

Mike was rushed to the hospital and I rushed to meet him.  Unlike most visits to the ER things happened fairly quickly. He got a new cat scan of his abdomen within the hour and the ER Dr. greeted us and said that he would look at the scan as soon they were processed. He was back within 15 mins. telling us that he thinks Mike will need emergency surgery he wanted to show the scans to the surgeon and they would get back to me.  Within five mins. the surgeon was in the room talking to Mike and me about the problem.  I knew things were serious because normally when you go to the ER you wait for hours to be seen and if they say a Dr. is going to talk to you it is at least an hour or more waiting.  How fast everything seemed to be happening showed to me that this was indeed an emergency.  The surgeon told us that Mike had a hole in his colon and it needed to be repaired now or he could die. I thought it was strange that a surgeon was available within 5 mins.  I have never seen this happen before but I learned that there was another patient there that needed an appendectomy so they called the surgeon in to evaluate him when Mike's test came in (miracle 2).

I was scared to have him in for surgery and with my history and now phobia of hospitals this news could have put me over the edged but I was given a gift before I went to the hospital that helped me stay calm and focussed.  As soon as I heard they were taking Mike to the ER (yet again), I got down on my knees and prayed  for Mike and myself.  I had this overwhelming feeling that things were going to work out fine and that Mike was going to need surgery but it would all work out to his benefit.  I was overcome with calm and peace so although there were life and death things going on around me I was able to remain calm and assure Mike he was going to be ok (miracle 3).

The surgeon bumped Mike ahead of his appendectomy patient because his was a more serious situation.  Mike's brother Jeff came to be with me as we sat in the waiting room waiting for Mike's surgery to be over. The surgery was a success and went a lot better than the surgeon expected (miracle 4).  Mike was sent to the ICU to recover where he stayed for 10 days a few more days on another floor and he was finally able to be sent home.  The good news was that Mike's surgery was a success the bad new was that his two back to back stays in the hospital had given him a bed sore that was made even worse with his second stay.  Despit this I was glad to have Mike back at the facility and I felt that now he could finally get better and with plenty of time before our wedding.

Mike was improving but not as much as I had hoped and by the end of July he was definitely not where I wanted him to be.  I had made an appointment for us to get engagement pictures taken the first part of August which was the latest we could do it if we wanted to have announcements.  As the appointment grew closer Mike seemed to grow sicker.  It may seem like a trivial thing but I wanted us to have engagement pictures and they could not be put off any longer.  I prayed hard that Mike and I could get pictures.  Two days before our appointment Mike had a fever and things did not look promising for our pictures but I couldn't cancel the appointment we needed those pictures. The next day Mike had made a huge turn and was doing great which continued on for picture day.  He was tired from all the medical issues he had dealt with but he was well enough for pictures.  I couldn't believe it, it was a miracle even the staff commented on what a miracle his quick turn around was (miracle 5).



The next day proved just how much of a miracle Mike being able to take pictures had been, Mike was sent to the hospital with respiratory failure. He was admitted to the ICU once again. This made three trips to the hospital in thre months and I couldn't believe it.  Mike and I were supposed to be married in less than two months and he was back to the ICU.  At this time I wondered if we should postpone the wedding but I always felt like we should move forward with the date we picked so I didn't back down from it.  The weight of what we were going through by now can not be described and this trip was especially hard because we had to make a decision we swore we would never make.  After being trach free for 5 years we decided to retrach Mike. It was such a hard and devastating decision because of all we had been through, the fights and struggles we endured to get the trach out in the first place, and the freedom it had given us without it.  We had to humble ourselves and accept what was best for Mike at this time.  Seeing Mike with a trache again shook me to my core we seemed to be moving backwards and not forward.  During this time at the hospital the Doctors realized that the bedsores Mike had developed from his earlier hospital stays had gotten so bad that there was no way for them to heal on their own.  So after the trache surgery Mike was sent back to the operating room for the first of two surgeries to repair the bedsores.

When all was said and done Mike had had 4 surgeries in 3 months. When the last one was finished there were 4 weeks and 1 day until the wedding and the Dr. told us Mike had to stay in this special bed to recover for 4 weeks which he could not leave for any reason.  This left us with just one day of leeway which seemed to be cutting it close but I felt that we needed to press forward so we did.  By this time the stress of the situation was almost unbearable. Not only did Mike have to stay in this funky bed, the hospital wanted to send him to the Specialty Hospital for recover. You may not know about this place but just know Lauri and I HATE it and we will under no circumstances sent Mike there ever again.  Even if it's the only place that has the special bed for Mike to recover on there was no way anyone was going to get us to go back to that place.  Lauri put up a fight and we annoyed several people who I'm sure said things under there breath that would make a sailor blush but in the end we got that special bed sent to Mike's facility for him to recover on. (Miracle 6).

Mike was back at the facility with two weeks to go before the wedding he just needed a little recovery time and we would be on our way (that is what I thought at least). I started telling people that we still planned on getting married in a couple of weeks and I could tell the news wasn't sitting very well with some of the nurses.  I didn't let this bother me we were going to get married and that was that.  After a couple of days later the wound nurse called Lauri and told here Mike's bedsore was compromised and that it was breaking down. She needed to send him back to the surgeon and see what could be done.  What a blow, we only had one day of leeway for anything to go wrong and now we stood face to face with weeks of setbacks. Devastation began to set in I could not see my way around this one so I prayed and prayed.  Mike was sent to the surgeon the next day who looked at it and said that there was some discoloration but Mike was healing fine and there wasn't anything to worry about (miracle 7).

With yet another crisis averted it was back to wedding planning. I decided to call the social worker at the facility to let her know about our plans and what I needed from the facility.  Mainly to remind them that I had reserved a room for the wedding dinner and to let them know what was happening.  This conversation opened up a can of worms that I could have never predicted.  The next day I got a call back from the social worker letting me know where I stood on my requests.  Then she told me that she had talked to the wound nurse and that Mike was not to be off his special bed for any reason so we could not get married. I reminded her that they took him off his special bed to see the Dr. and that the Dr, had said he only needed to be on the special bed for 4 weeks and that would be over the day before the wedding.  The social worker talked to the wound nurse about what I said then got back to me.  The wound nurse was going to talk to the Dr. who had done the surgery and get back to me.  I knew that this conversation was a make or break moment.  If the Dr. said yes then she couldn't go against his wishes (win for us) but if the Dr. said no then she couldn't go against his wish (win for heartless people),  I waited and prayed to hear the answer my whole wedding rested on the outcome. When I finally got the call I held my breath to hear the answer which was.............."Under no circumstances was Mike to leave his bed he can not get married period end of story"  I couldn't believe my ears a Dr. who just a few days ago said Mike was doing great was suddenly saying Mike was doing so horribly that if he left his bed his bedsores would burst open and they would never heal again (win heartless people).

After all we had been through and after all the times I felt like we should move forward with the date we had chosen we were stopped cold in our tracks.  With a heavy heart I went to bed and I prayed.  I had the most powerful peaceful feeling come over me that told me that I would be married on the date we had chosen the feeling was so powerful it wrapped me in a warm cocoon and I knew that I could not doubt or deny what I was feeling or what I was told.(miracle 8).

The next day I took the day off of work to sort out my troubles.  Just a few more days before I was to get married but I still had a marrage licence to get, a wedding to put together, and a groom that couldn't leave his bed for any circumstances. Despite my wonderful feelings the night before I had a heavy heart, I didn't know where to start but like I said I couldn't deny what I was told the night before.  So I decided to solve one problem at a time.  First I needed a marrage license and my fiance couldn't go with me to get one which was a problem because that is a requirement to obtain a marrage license.  I knew there had to be some county that would give a license if one of the parties couldn't be there, prisoners seemed to be getting married all the time and they couldn't be there. I started calling all the counties starting with the closest and working my way out.  Finally I found a county that you just needed a notarized signature to get the license.  Great, one problem down a million more to go.  Then I decided that Mike only needed to get married and that we could just have him skip the reception that would mean he was only out of his bed for 2 hours and this would limit his risk. I pitched my new plan to Lauri who then took it to the facility.  She played on their sympathies and emphasized he would only be out for 2 hours. It worked and they finally relented we needed to sign something saying we understood the risks but they would help us get Mike married (miracle 9).

Now it was time to put our plan into action.  I needed a notary to notarize Mike's signature and I had no idea how to find one.  I texted the most connected man I knew (Bro. Beesley) because surely he must know a notary.  Somehow he came up with one who would meet us at the facility so Mike could sign and I could get the marrage license.  This was the same day Lauri flew in for the wedding so I had her prep Mike for the signature.  With all the other devastating stuff going on the other thing that we were dealing with is that every day Mike was getting sicker and sicker.  He had no energy and was barely responsive if at all.  I kept thinking he would snap out of it but by the time the notary came he could barely hold the pen.  Lauri had to help him squeeze while he signed his M that he makes as his signature.  This was concerning but I could not deny that we would be getting married so I knew that somehow he was going to get through whatever was going on with him.  The next morning I got up early to drive to Ogden to get our marrage license.  It was the day before our wedding and I felt like once I had the marrage license there was no earthly thing that could stop us from getting married.  With license in hand I was headed back home I felt happy and relieved but I knew something horrible was going to come up that day that would try to stop the wedding. Everyday some horrible insurmountable obstacle would come up that would try to stop the wedding but somehow we would get past it only to encounter another.  So I wasn't surprised when Lauri called to tell me that Mike had thrown up that morning.  Ok I can handle that let's get him feeling better and we would be getting married in the morning were my thoughts.  I had no idea what was about to happen.

I got back to my house where wedding preparations were going on to turn my home into a reception center.  A couple of friends had shown up to help and we were working hard.  Soon we had tons of family at my home and things were really coming together.  Around 4 that afternoon as I was working away Lauri grabbed me and said I need to talk to you.  I followed her back to the spare room where she proceeded to tell me that she had just gotten a call from the facility and that the administrator, social worker, head of nursing, and whoever else was on the phone to tell her that Mike was actively dying that's right DYING.  Mike's kidneys were shutting down and his blood pressure was dangerously low and his other organs were shutting down too.  Lauri confessed to me that when she had seen Mike when she first arrived she knew he was dying but didn't want to tell me, he had the look of someone who was dying.  They also told Lauri that there was no way that Mike could leave the facility to get married that the wedding had to be canceled.  Taking Mike out would kill him and if it didn't kill him it would bring death sooner.  If we decided to go ahead with the wedding the facility took no responsibility and would not send anyone with us to help us, we would be on our own and the death of Mike would be on our heads. This news smacked me right in the face.  Mike was dying and the best I could hope for was that we could get married before he did.  Lauri and I broke the news to the family in the other room then we grabbed Mike's sister Katie and headed to the facility to say our goodbyes.  Before we left we knelt together as a giant family and my mother prayed a wonderful and powerful prayer for Mike.  On the way to the facility we all sat in stunned silence.  My mind went through all that the Drs. had told us and I visualized planning Mike's funeral and telling everyone that he was dead.  I also knew that I could not deny that Mike and I would be married in the morning so despite his impending death I knew we must get married first.  If he was going to die, and getting married would make him die faster, I would rather be married with a couple less days than unmarried with a couple more and I knew Michael would feel the same way.

Arriving at the facility we made our way to Mike's room where we spent time with him and contemplated our options.  It was a somber time but one thing I knew was that the Lord would spare Mike's life long enough for us to get married.  The decision was made that whatever the cost Mike and I were going to go to the temple and be married in the morning.  Lauri and I had to talk to the social worker about our decision. She was not happy and wanted to talk us out of our decision or at least to just have someone come in and marry us at the facility.  I was undaunted, this was so important to Mike and I. I felt so strongly we were making the right decision and that Mike would be spared long enough to be married. I told her that being married in the facility was not an option, that going to the temple to be married was so important to us that it was worth the risk.  She reiterated what could happen if we took Mike out to get married.  It was scary but I felt so strongly about our decision that it did not sway me.  Because no one from the facility was allowed to help us we had to be trained on how to use special equipment Mike might need when he was taken out to be married. It felt lonely but I knew we were doing the right thing.

I decided I needed tell our sealer what was going on so I gave him a call.  A couple of months earlier a family friend had asked Elder Coleman, an emeritus general authority, if he would seal Mike and I.  He had agreed and we had been in touch on occasions to talk about how things were going and about the wedding.  It was so nice that I had this connection with our sealer so I could call and talk through what we were dealing with.  Elder Coleman was very supportive and encouraging about what we were dealing with.  We made a plan for the morning and everything was set.  I let everyone know that the wedding was on and now we just had to get married.

I went home where I sat on my couch and contemplated everything.  I went to bed nervous yet excited.  In the morning my parents and sister were there to help me get ready for my wedding.  Lauri and Mike's brother were helping Mike get ready.  I didn't want to hear how things were going for Mike I just wanted to assume they were fine and I didn't want my assumption not to be true.  Just as I was leaving my house to go to the temple I got a simple text from Lauri that said "Mike looks so good today". The words were simple but they brought tears to my eyes I then knew that my assumptions were right Mike was doing well and relief flooded over me. Once at the temple I walked in with my mother as my dad parked the car.  There was a line of people waiting for me and Mike and there in the middle was the smiling face of Elder Coleman. Soon Mike arrived and my heart sored we had both made it and he looked so good. Our ceremony was short but beautiful surrounded by people who loved us. As I kissed Mike after we were sealed he have the biggest smile on his face (I can't vouch for how big the smile was because I actually didn't see it but it was reported to me my several witnesses). Mike did so well he didn't need any of the special equipment that they sent us with.

We walked out of the temple overcome with joy and gratitude Mike had been brought from the brink of death and now we were sealed for time and all eternity (GRAND MIRACLE 10).

Back in my single days I'm sure many people thought it would take a miracle for me to marry.  How right they were but it didn't take one miracle but several miracles. Getting married was the hardest thing I have ever done, it stretched my patients, and faith to the breaking point.  I have learned so much through all of this but the main thing I have learned is that God lives and he still produces mighty miracles,  love is important and does not revolve around what another person can do for you, and that faith is an action word and can only grow as it is used.  For me the amount of faith it took to move forward to marrage no matter what barrier was placed in front of us was extreme but I found it somewhere and I am eternally grateful that when all I had was faith to move us forward it was there and I was able to pull from it. One day because of our Savior my husband will be made whole and I will be able to run and jump into his arms but I will not love him any more then than I do now.

I would like those who were a witness to any part of this miracle to leave a comment about your experience.  I would love to hear about it and it will add to this wonderful story.