Shirt Cutters Will Be Prosecuted

(November 2010)

From the moment Michael was in "The Accident" Mike and I  have had no control over our lives (well most of our lives).  The doctors, and nurses, and hospitals are in control.  At first you barely notice but as time goes on the helpless feeling sets in and you begin to get frustrated.  Lauri and I have had to fight tooth and nail for every little thing to help Michael and by the fall of the first year we were already worn out.  We had just had the most epic battle to get his trach removed (I will give more details in a different post) and Mikes day to day life was in the hands of "the facility".  This is where my story of lies, betrayal, and triumph begins......

It all started on very depressing day, well the day itself wasn't really depressing I was just having a sad day.  I went to the facility to see Michael in the evening, which always cheered me up, and I noticed he was wearing the shirt I gave him our first Christmas together (very sentimental).  This made me happy because I liked the shirt and it was good to see him in it.  I bent down to give Michael a hug and to my horror I found that the shirt had a slit all the way up the back.  I was devastated the shirt that had so much meaning to me was ruined.  For a little background info when Mike had his trach in we did have some shirts that we cut up the back so he could wear shirts and shorts instead of a hospital gown but he didn't have a trach anymore and could wear normal shirts. I felt so helpless that someone could just cut his shirt and there was nothing I could do about it.  I gave the CNAs a break because we did have some cut shirts for Mike to wear and I reasoned that they must have thought that's how his shirts were supposed to be.  It was too bad the lesson had to be learned on my favorite shirt.  I told the CNAs not to cut Mike's shirts and left them a sign on the white board so the could remember. The sign wasn't just clever it was a real depiction of what happened when they cut Mike's shirt.

The sign seemed to work Mike's shirts stayed intact and I felt like the unfortunate event was and isolated incident.  Then a couple of weeks or so later the unthinkable happened when Lauri was visiting we discovered that the shirt Mike was wearing had been cut and not only that but we found another shirt that had also been cut.  We asked who was cutting Mike's shirts and of course no one had any idea everyone seemed surprised, it's like a phantom was coming in and cutting Mikes shirts.  I can't explain what happened to me but it wasn't pretty.  I was like the Grinch who stole Christmas but instead of my heart growing 4 sizes it was my frustration that grew.  I just couldn't take it, the feeling of complete helplessness that I had been feeling from the beginning was compounded by the fact the I couldn't even prevent Mike's shirts from being vandalized and I just snapped.  That night I tried to sleep it off but I couldn't take it anymore I was taking back some control of my life.  The next morning I went to my computer and started making signs. I made several "Do not cut Mike's shirts" signs then I found a "Shoplifters will be prosecuted" sign on the internet and changed it to Shirt cutters. Then I drew a few cartoon signs do drive the point home.

I put the signs up all over Mike's room and I put the "shirt cutters will be prosecuted" over his bed so they couldn't miss it.  A little childish? maybe but it worked, Mike's shirts have never been cut again.  The signs were taken down a month of so later by the facility.  They said the State came in and made them take the signs down but I have a sneaking suspicion they took the signs down before the State got there (I would have).  They told us "Everyone knows not to cut Mike's shirts".  It's funny that this little rebellion really did make me feel like I was taking back some control in my life.  Now at least there is one thing I have control over, I can keep Mike's shirts whole (who knew that could ever be an accomplishment).

Side note: the cute pock-a-dot pillowcase you see in the picture was only used this one time then it came up missing and so did the shirt you see Michael in but that is a different not so triumphant story.