The First Day Part 2

(March 2010)

....Michael's room was empty and it devastated me.  Where could he be?  I went to the nurses station to see what they could tell me.  The nurses looked in the computer to see what had happened and suddenly there was a change in their tone and helpfulness.  They told me that Michael had another CAT scan earlier and things had changed so he was sent for emergency neuro surgery.  They sent a nurse to show me where the surgery was and to explain what was going on.  Katie (my sister) and I followed him as he used analogies to explain what was going on with Michael's brain. I was told this analogy several times but for the life of me I don't remember it, so sorry I can't share it with you, I'm sure it was really good.  I did get the idea that it was not good and he left us in the waiting room while he got the P.A. (physicians assistant) to fill in the blanks.

Tom (the P.A.) looked like a non-threatening guy (looks can be deceiving), he came and talked to me about what was going on with Mike.  Tom told me that the CAT scan they took right after the accident and the one they took that morning were like day and night (not in a good way). He used the same analogy that the nurse did, sorry I know your dying to hear it but I can't remember.  What I can tell you is that his brain was swelling and they didn't have a good way to relieve the pressure.  The surgery was to put a monitor in is head to track the pressure on the brain and a tub that could drain fluids to give the brain more room to swell.  He explained that sometimes when people hurt there brain it is in a specific location so they can remove part of the skull to give the brain more room to swell.  But Michael's whole brain was hurt so that was not a possibility.  Then he said "so we will take things minute by minute, then maybe we could get to hour by hour or day by day."  I looked at him and said "are you saying Michael could die."  He looked at me with at "well duh" look and said "yes".  Until this moment I never thought of death as a possibility especially because of the way I had felt after I prayed and in the quiet moments. 

I went into shock I couldn't believe what was going on, just a few hours ago we had our whole lives ahead of us.  I was sitting next to Katie holding her hand and I was looking out the waiting room door while a flood of thoughts and feelings washed over me.  I thought about Michael dying and wondered if this was what was going to happen.  I let myself accept that this could be the reality of the situation and I let myself feel what that would be.  I then started praying in my heart for the Lord to tell me if what the P.A. told me was true. Was Michael going to die?  As I pondered this I had a strong feeling that he was not going to die.  During this time Katie was talking to me, trying to see if I wanted her to call my brother.  I heard her but I could not answer her, I think this must have totally freaked her out that her sister was just staring into space and not responding. Finally she gave up on me and said "I'm calling Kurt" (my brother).  Once I felt that I understood the situation I came out of my shock (mostly).  I decided I better call Lauri and tell her to come ASAP until this time we knew his accident was serious but none of us thought it was life threatening.

I went to call Lauri and I realized that I left my phone in the ICU. The thought of having to work my way back to the ICU was overwhelming at that moment if felt like being asked to climb Mt. Everest.  Fortunately I had my sister with me and she gave me her phone and went to retrieve my phone for me (see it was a good thing I had her come.)  I couldn't call Lauri with Katie's phone so I called my mother in the mean time.  I told her all the awful things Tom had told me and cried my voice was shaky but as I talked to her and told her how I felt as I prayed the strong feeling that he would not die and of peace came back to me.  My mother made plans for her and my dad to come from Rexburg (4 hours).  Katie got back with the phone and I'm glad I talked to my mom first because I was totally calm when I explained to Lauri what was going on and she needed to get here ASAP.  She agreed and said she already booked a flight that would get her into Provo around 5 pm.

Then the waiting began, first I was waiting for his brain monitor to be placed.  The Neuro surgeon and his PA came and talked to me about his surgery and his condition I think they even used the same analogy (I know I should remember it).  They sent him right into surgery for his leg which was broken in 3 places.  Because it was his femur, they needed to stabilize it by putting a rod through it. Michael wasn't stable enough for that surgery so they had to do it externally which involved screwing a metal bar to his leg.  So then I was waiting for his leg surgery. By this time I had been at the hospital for at least 7 hours and I had only seen him briefly in the very beginning.  Then I glimpsed him being rolled back to the ICU so I hurried back to see him but then I had to wait for him to be put back to bed and situate him.  Michael was hooked up to all kinds of monitors and a ventilator to help him breath it was actually quite noise in his room. Finally, Finally, I was able to see him and be with him it felt good to finally hold his hand and be near him. 

The rest of the day was a whirl of activity going on around me.  During his surgeries the word had gotten out about the accident and his friends started arriving and setting up a vigil.  I'm sure I talked to them at some point but I really don't recall.  My brother Kurt arrived from Salt Lake and gave me a priesthood blessing to help me deal with the situation.  Mikes aunt and uncle returned and at some point my parents arrived.  My sister and cousin made a trip to my house to get me real close because up to that point I was in pajamas (at least it was sweats and a T shirt).  At one point while in with Mike, I was holding his hand and suddenly I couldn't feel "him" any more I looked at his face and it was super white.  I started getting worried when suddenly the nurses rushed in and sent me out.  When I was let back in I found out his lung just collapsed because of the broken ribs so they put a chest tub in to help keep air in it.

Finally at 5:30 Lauri arrived with aunt Debbie (Mike's aunt), I was so worried they wouldn't let her in because it was shift change, again, and I knew from previous experience what sticklers they were about it.  Fortunately given the gravity of the situation they relented and let her in when she came.  Lauri asked me how Michael looked and if she would be able to handle it.  I told her he looked pretty good and that she would most definitely have no problem.  What I didn't realize is that just because someone looks better than they did when you first saw them does not mean they look good.  Lauri was in for a shock.  After Lauri successfully fought the urge to faint after seeing Mike the medical staff descended on her and started filling her in on everything I'm sure they used the same analogy they told me so if you want to know she might remember it.  I didn't want to hear it all again and feeling that I could pass the torch to someone else, exhaustion set in.  I decided to make my exit and had my parents drive me home for much needed rest.

I slept for a couple of hours and woke up wondering if I should return to the hospital.  As I thought about it I realized that Michael was going to make it through the night and that this was going to be a long haul so I needed my sleep more than I needed to be at the hospital.  I made myself go back to bed and sleep.  I found out later that Lauri felt the same way and left the hospital around 10 or 11.  The nurses were so concerned that Michael would die during the night and none of us would be around they asked Lauri if she was sure she wanted to leave.  Luck for both of us Mikes aunt Debbie stepped up and said she would spend the night with him.  When I heard this I was so grateful to know that Mike wasn't alone during the night and that his mom and I were both able to get much needed sleep.

Mike in ICU