Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sitting Up Is Hard To Do
(July 2012)
Michael has been working on sitting up. He has lost a lot of his core muscle strength so it is a difficult task even with help. He sits on the side of the bed, I help him get into the sitting position, then stay behind him to give him some support. We are maxed out at about an half an hour right now but we are slowly working our way up. Hopefully with time he won't need my help that much or at all. Go Mike Go!!!
Monday, July 16, 2012
The First Day Part III
(March 2010)
I have decided to have a guest post from Mike's mom Lauri, it is here perspective of the first day. It has been difficult for me to write about the accident and the time right after it. It's hard to get motivated to write more about that time yet there is so much more to tell. Maybe having someone elses' words about that time will help me with motivation. I think it has been good for me to write and hopefully good for you to know what really happened.
The ringing phone woke me from the deep sleep I was in and as I reached for it, I glanced at the clock-
--12:33 A.M. The unfamiliar voice on the other end identified himself as an officer from the Lindon
Police Department. My immediate thought was of Jeffrey who was driving late into the night to reach
Northern California before morning. I asked if Jeff was alright. The officer informed me that he was
calling about Kevin. The grogginess from being awakened from sleep caused confusion. I informed
the officer that Kevin had passed away 10 years before. He asked if I was the mother of Kevin Michael Benson. When I indicated that I was, he informed me that Kevin (Michael) had been in a serious motorcycle accident and was being taken to the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I asked if he was OK and the only thing he could tell me was that he was unconscious when he was airflighted from the scene. Before hanging up, he gave me his phone number in the event I needed anything or had further questions.
I immediately rolled out of bed and fell on my knees. Not knowing the type or extent of the injuries,
I simply prayed that Michael would be healed both body and mind. I was immediately reassured that
that would be the case. I then got on the phone and called Aunt Julie (my aunt who lives in Utah) and
asked if she and Grant could go check on Michael and if Grant could give Michael a blessing.
My next thoughts were of Lisa, Michael’s fiancé of three weeks. Although I knew her last name, I didn’t know what city she lived in or any other contact information. I had an e-mail address and quickly sent an e-mail to her asking her to call me immediately when she read it but I knew that she needed to know sooner than that and that she needed to be at the hospital immediately. I got on the computer and began a search and after a few minutes, found her address. I called the police officer back and asked if he would go to her house and let her know about Michael and have her call me when she had any news.
As I paced back and forth through the house trying to figure out my next step, my doorbell rang. It
Garry and Debie (my brother and sister-in-law); they had been contacted by Julie and told about the
accident and that I probably was in need of comfort. After visiting for a few minutes, Garry offered
to give me a blessing. It was a blessing of comfort but I was slightly taken back when I was told in the blessing that I would have the wherewithal to make all the decisions that were necessary in Michael’s behalf.
Just as the sun was coming up, Lisa called me with the first update. Michael was in critical condition. He broke his femur in 2 places, his ribs were broken, a lung was punctured, he had multiple cuts, scratches, and bruises but the doctors were most concerned about the brain injury he had sustained. Throughout the morning she updated me but was unprepared when she told me that the doctors were taking Michael into surgery to put a shunt in his brain to drain fluids. They reiterated to her the seriousness of the situation and told her that he may not make it. Even though I understood the gravity of what she was telling me, I knew that he would.
While all of this was going on, I got a call from Jeff telling me that his boss had arranged and paid for
an airline ticket for me to fly up to Utah that afternoon. My sister-in-law, Debbie, jumped on the same flight and went with me; somehow she knew that I shouldn’t be alone facing such a daunting situation.
When I arrived at the hospital, now approximately 18 hours after the accident, I got off the elevator and was overwhelmed at the number of Mike’s friends in the waiting room keeping a vigil and waiting to hear any news about their friend. Lisa escorted me to the ICU, and as we walked to his room, I asked if I was going to be able to handle this and she assured me that I would (keep in mind that she had seen him in ER before they had cleaned him up…when he was at his worst). I was again overwhelmed when I walked into the room and saw my son hooked up to multiple machines keeping him alive, and in a very deep coma.
The Physician’s Assistant walked me to the computer in the room and showed me picture after picture of Michael’s brain and tried to explain what I was looking at and what it meant. Having had only a few hours of sleep, eating only a piece of toast throughout the day, and being in shock at the sight of my son, what she was telling me was more than I could comprehend. What I did understand was that the most severe brain injuries were to the brain stem—the critical part of the brain that affects living a productive life.
As the evening went on, I knew I needed some food and some sleep so thanked the ICU nurse for
watching over my son for the night. He seemed surprised that I was leaving…”in case anything happens in the night.” It frankly never crossed my mind at that point that he might die; I felt that he was in capable hands. Debbie volunteered to stay with Michael through the night and I left to get some much needed sleep. She later told me that the nurse had stood at the foot of Michael’s bed through most of the night watching him carefully and monitoring all of the equipment. I think that most of those working with him were not expecting him to make it through that first night.
I have decided to have a guest post from Mike's mom Lauri, it is here perspective of the first day. It has been difficult for me to write about the accident and the time right after it. It's hard to get motivated to write more about that time yet there is so much more to tell. Maybe having someone elses' words about that time will help me with motivation. I think it has been good for me to write and hopefully good for you to know what really happened.
The ringing phone woke me from the deep sleep I was in and as I reached for it, I glanced at the clock-
--12:33 A.M. The unfamiliar voice on the other end identified himself as an officer from the Lindon
Police Department. My immediate thought was of Jeffrey who was driving late into the night to reach
Northern California before morning. I asked if Jeff was alright. The officer informed me that he was
calling about Kevin. The grogginess from being awakened from sleep caused confusion. I informed
the officer that Kevin had passed away 10 years before. He asked if I was the mother of Kevin Michael Benson. When I indicated that I was, he informed me that Kevin (Michael) had been in a serious motorcycle accident and was being taken to the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I asked if he was OK and the only thing he could tell me was that he was unconscious when he was airflighted from the scene. Before hanging up, he gave me his phone number in the event I needed anything or had further questions.
I immediately rolled out of bed and fell on my knees. Not knowing the type or extent of the injuries,
I simply prayed that Michael would be healed both body and mind. I was immediately reassured that
that would be the case. I then got on the phone and called Aunt Julie (my aunt who lives in Utah) and
asked if she and Grant could go check on Michael and if Grant could give Michael a blessing.
My next thoughts were of Lisa, Michael’s fiancé of three weeks. Although I knew her last name, I didn’t know what city she lived in or any other contact information. I had an e-mail address and quickly sent an e-mail to her asking her to call me immediately when she read it but I knew that she needed to know sooner than that and that she needed to be at the hospital immediately. I got on the computer and began a search and after a few minutes, found her address. I called the police officer back and asked if he would go to her house and let her know about Michael and have her call me when she had any news.
As I paced back and forth through the house trying to figure out my next step, my doorbell rang. It
Garry and Debie (my brother and sister-in-law); they had been contacted by Julie and told about the
accident and that I probably was in need of comfort. After visiting for a few minutes, Garry offered
to give me a blessing. It was a blessing of comfort but I was slightly taken back when I was told in the blessing that I would have the wherewithal to make all the decisions that were necessary in Michael’s behalf.
Just as the sun was coming up, Lisa called me with the first update. Michael was in critical condition. He broke his femur in 2 places, his ribs were broken, a lung was punctured, he had multiple cuts, scratches, and bruises but the doctors were most concerned about the brain injury he had sustained. Throughout the morning she updated me but was unprepared when she told me that the doctors were taking Michael into surgery to put a shunt in his brain to drain fluids. They reiterated to her the seriousness of the situation and told her that he may not make it. Even though I understood the gravity of what she was telling me, I knew that he would.
While all of this was going on, I got a call from Jeff telling me that his boss had arranged and paid for
an airline ticket for me to fly up to Utah that afternoon. My sister-in-law, Debbie, jumped on the same flight and went with me; somehow she knew that I shouldn’t be alone facing such a daunting situation.
When I arrived at the hospital, now approximately 18 hours after the accident, I got off the elevator and was overwhelmed at the number of Mike’s friends in the waiting room keeping a vigil and waiting to hear any news about their friend. Lisa escorted me to the ICU, and as we walked to his room, I asked if I was going to be able to handle this and she assured me that I would (keep in mind that she had seen him in ER before they had cleaned him up…when he was at his worst). I was again overwhelmed when I walked into the room and saw my son hooked up to multiple machines keeping him alive, and in a very deep coma.
The Physician’s Assistant walked me to the computer in the room and showed me picture after picture of Michael’s brain and tried to explain what I was looking at and what it meant. Having had only a few hours of sleep, eating only a piece of toast throughout the day, and being in shock at the sight of my son, what she was telling me was more than I could comprehend. What I did understand was that the most severe brain injuries were to the brain stem—the critical part of the brain that affects living a productive life.
As the evening went on, I knew I needed some food and some sleep so thanked the ICU nurse for
watching over my son for the night. He seemed surprised that I was leaving…”in case anything happens in the night.” It frankly never crossed my mind at that point that he might die; I felt that he was in capable hands. Debbie volunteered to stay with Michael through the night and I left to get some much needed sleep. She later told me that the nurse had stood at the foot of Michael’s bed through most of the night watching him carefully and monitoring all of the equipment. I think that most of those working with him were not expecting him to make it through that first night.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Slow and Steady Wins the Race?
(July 2012)
While I am jogging I always tell myself "slow and steady wins the race", it helps me keep my pace and not get in a hurry. It always seemed like a good philosophy but I haven't really put it to the test. Until......
A few months ago Lauri and decided that our lives weren't difficult enough so we needed to run a 5k (I know CRAZY right). At the time it seemed like an insurmountable undertaking, all I did was go to work and hang out with Mike which basically entails laying beside him in bed. Once the goal was set, it took a couple of months of contemplation before I did anything because I didn't know how I was going to add jogging to my life. I finally decided I needed to just make the time and do it. If I packed exercise cloths in the morning and took them with me to work I would have them when I visited Mike and I could take some time out to jog. I got on a jogging schedule and realized just how out of shape I was. I kept telling myself "slow and steady wins the race". It was hard but I was determined and Michael always seemed proud of me when I returned.
Finally the day arrived and I was as prepared as I could be (well besides the waisted "contemplation months"). I made sure I had a super cute outfit to run in, I knew I wasn't going to go very fast but at least I could look good. My sister Katie joined us for the fun, we lined up, and we were off. I picked my slow and steady pace and started jogging. My pace was too slow for Lauri so she went on her way while Katie and I hung back waiting for everyone else to start dropping out of the race due to there not slow and steady pace. I kept my pace the whole time, it got very hard but I didn't give up or start walking I just kept going. As the finish line came into view I realized that although I ran slow and steady, I didn't win, in fact there were very few people who came in after me. I came in last for my age categories and to be honest most people could walk at the same pace I ran. The cool thing was that as we were passed up by the half marathoners who had been running much further than us they did not laugh they would cheer us on.
I have often wondered about those who come in last or near last in a 5k. Were they embarrassed? Did they even train for the race? Why were they even bothering to do the race at all. Now that I was one of "them" I realized not only how you feel, but what "slow and steady wins the race" really means. Despite what others may have thought I did train for the race. I was not embarrassed about my time or how I did in the race at all. I knew I had done my best and given my circumstances this was not an easy undertaking. I had given all I could at this time and this was the fruits of it. "Slow and steady wins the race" is really more about life than an actual race. Sometimes in life we have more to give than others, this is due to our circumstances, our "slow" pace at one time in our lives can seem like a sprint at other times. We can only do what we can do and we should not do more or less than that. If we do this we can make it to the end and in the race of life we are only compared to ourselves. We should not look at what others "pace" and feel bad that our pace is slower (unless we are just being lazy) or feel superior to others because our "pace" is faster. We are all at different places in are lives and we should just cheer each other on.
While I am jogging I always tell myself "slow and steady wins the race", it helps me keep my pace and not get in a hurry. It always seemed like a good philosophy but I haven't really put it to the test. Until......
A few months ago Lauri and decided that our lives weren't difficult enough so we needed to run a 5k (I know CRAZY right). At the time it seemed like an insurmountable undertaking, all I did was go to work and hang out with Mike which basically entails laying beside him in bed. Once the goal was set, it took a couple of months of contemplation before I did anything because I didn't know how I was going to add jogging to my life. I finally decided I needed to just make the time and do it. If I packed exercise cloths in the morning and took them with me to work I would have them when I visited Mike and I could take some time out to jog. I got on a jogging schedule and realized just how out of shape I was. I kept telling myself "slow and steady wins the race". It was hard but I was determined and Michael always seemed proud of me when I returned.
Finally the day arrived and I was as prepared as I could be (well besides the waisted "contemplation months"). I made sure I had a super cute outfit to run in, I knew I wasn't going to go very fast but at least I could look good. My sister Katie joined us for the fun, we lined up, and we were off. I picked my slow and steady pace and started jogging. My pace was too slow for Lauri so she went on her way while Katie and I hung back waiting for everyone else to start dropping out of the race due to there not slow and steady pace. I kept my pace the whole time, it got very hard but I didn't give up or start walking I just kept going. As the finish line came into view I realized that although I ran slow and steady, I didn't win, in fact there were very few people who came in after me. I came in last for my age categories and to be honest most people could walk at the same pace I ran. The cool thing was that as we were passed up by the half marathoners who had been running much further than us they did not laugh they would cheer us on.
I have often wondered about those who come in last or near last in a 5k. Were they embarrassed? Did they even train for the race? Why were they even bothering to do the race at all. Now that I was one of "them" I realized not only how you feel, but what "slow and steady wins the race" really means. Despite what others may have thought I did train for the race. I was not embarrassed about my time or how I did in the race at all. I knew I had done my best and given my circumstances this was not an easy undertaking. I had given all I could at this time and this was the fruits of it. "Slow and steady wins the race" is really more about life than an actual race. Sometimes in life we have more to give than others, this is due to our circumstances, our "slow" pace at one time in our lives can seem like a sprint at other times. We can only do what we can do and we should not do more or less than that. If we do this we can make it to the end and in the race of life we are only compared to ourselves. We should not look at what others "pace" and feel bad that our pace is slower (unless we are just being lazy) or feel superior to others because our "pace" is faster. We are all at different places in are lives and we should just cheer each other on.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Lauri, woman of mystery
(July 2012)
snow shoeing,
bike riding,
picnicking,
I'm usually pretty self-centered
when it comes to my blog posts but today I'm going to deviate and write about
Lauri (Mikes Mom). It also happens to be here birthday today (coincidence?)
I liked Lauri before I even met her.
When we were dating, Michael would tell me about his mom and I couldn't help
but be impressed. Let me give you a little back ground: Lauri is a mother of 3
great kids, Michael (is the oldest), Katie, and Jeff, which she raised with her wonderful
husband Kevin. When her children were mostly grown, Kevin got a very aggressive
form of cancer and passed away. Lauri finished raising the youngest (he was 15
at the time) and went back to school. After getting her bachelor degree, Lauri
moved from California to Arizona by herself. There she did more schooling and
got her master’s degree. During all this she also taught seminary, worked as a
long term substitute teacher (she taught almost every subject known to man),
and held her family together all alone.
I liked Lauri not only because she
is impressive but because I could relate to her. Being a single girl who was
making her own way in life, I could understand where Lauri was coming from and
I felt that she could do the same for me. After meeting Lauri for the first
time my feelings about her were confirmed and I liked her even more. Plus she
is such a classy lady so I had even more to aspire to. I was excited to be a part
of the family and to get to know her better.
The
first time I me Lauri (Christmas with Lauri, Jeff, Mike and Lucky)
Then "The Accident"
happened and ready or not Lauri and I were thrown together. At the time, Lauri
and I had only spoken on the phone once for a very brief, awkward conversation.
Now we were discussing life and death on a daily basis. Right off the bat it
wasn't "I'm the MOTHER you're just the fiancé" we were a team trying to
get through this tough situation together. We made every decision together, prayed
together, counseled together, cried together, and laughed together. It
took me awhile to realize how amazing this was. I have heard stories of similar
situations where the family comes in and immediately puts the fiancé or even
the spouse in the back seat. This never happened to me I was always treated as
an equal by both the family and the hospital and I am SO grateful.
I have such a great love for Lauri.
I feel like Ruth and Naomi from the Old Testament, well besides the leaving my
family (I have a great and supportive family and mother) and being a widow
thing (Michael is very much alive). Lauri is a righteous woman with so much
faith and endurance it is amazing I am constantly learning from her. We have
been through so much together and because we are both single woman, we rely on
each other for support.
Lauri has left Michael in Utah so we
can be together. She travels up every other weekend from Arizona to see Michael
and take care of the constant barrage of issues that seem to always surround
us. She stays with me when she comes and it is always the highlight of my
month. We always have plenty to talk about, although, we seem to talk about the
same things over and over. Because we have each other, we don't need a therapist
or to annoy those around us by tell them the same things over and
over again. We also have fun and try to do some sort of girl adventure every
couple of months, so far we have;
been camping,
hiking,
bike riding,
picnicking,
pottery painting, shopping, cupcake eating, and walking.
This Saturday we will add to our adventures by doing a 5k. Yes Lauri just
turned 55 and she is going to run a 5k see how impressive she is?
Now you know Michael has an amazing mother (if you didn't already know that). We have become great friends and I won't admit to how many times we call each other. I couldn't do this without her.
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