Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sitting Up Is Hard To Do
(July 2012)
Michael has been working on sitting up. He has lost a lot of his core muscle strength so it is a difficult task even with help. He sits on the side of the bed, I help him get into the sitting position, then stay behind him to give him some support. We are maxed out at about an half an hour right now but we are slowly working our way up. Hopefully with time he won't need my help that much or at all. Go Mike Go!!!
Monday, July 16, 2012
The First Day Part III
(March 2010)
I have decided to have a guest post from Mike's mom Lauri, it is here perspective of the first day. It has been difficult for me to write about the accident and the time right after it. It's hard to get motivated to write more about that time yet there is so much more to tell. Maybe having someone elses' words about that time will help me with motivation. I think it has been good for me to write and hopefully good for you to know what really happened.
The ringing phone woke me from the deep sleep I was in and as I reached for it, I glanced at the clock-
--12:33 A.M. The unfamiliar voice on the other end identified himself as an officer from the Lindon
Police Department. My immediate thought was of Jeffrey who was driving late into the night to reach
Northern California before morning. I asked if Jeff was alright. The officer informed me that he was
calling about Kevin. The grogginess from being awakened from sleep caused confusion. I informed
the officer that Kevin had passed away 10 years before. He asked if I was the mother of Kevin Michael Benson. When I indicated that I was, he informed me that Kevin (Michael) had been in a serious motorcycle accident and was being taken to the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I asked if he was OK and the only thing he could tell me was that he was unconscious when he was airflighted from the scene. Before hanging up, he gave me his phone number in the event I needed anything or had further questions.
I immediately rolled out of bed and fell on my knees. Not knowing the type or extent of the injuries,
I simply prayed that Michael would be healed both body and mind. I was immediately reassured that
that would be the case. I then got on the phone and called Aunt Julie (my aunt who lives in Utah) and
asked if she and Grant could go check on Michael and if Grant could give Michael a blessing.
My next thoughts were of Lisa, Michael’s fiancé of three weeks. Although I knew her last name, I didn’t know what city she lived in or any other contact information. I had an e-mail address and quickly sent an e-mail to her asking her to call me immediately when she read it but I knew that she needed to know sooner than that and that she needed to be at the hospital immediately. I got on the computer and began a search and after a few minutes, found her address. I called the police officer back and asked if he would go to her house and let her know about Michael and have her call me when she had any news.
As I paced back and forth through the house trying to figure out my next step, my doorbell rang. It
Garry and Debie (my brother and sister-in-law); they had been contacted by Julie and told about the
accident and that I probably was in need of comfort. After visiting for a few minutes, Garry offered
to give me a blessing. It was a blessing of comfort but I was slightly taken back when I was told in the blessing that I would have the wherewithal to make all the decisions that were necessary in Michael’s behalf.
Just as the sun was coming up, Lisa called me with the first update. Michael was in critical condition. He broke his femur in 2 places, his ribs were broken, a lung was punctured, he had multiple cuts, scratches, and bruises but the doctors were most concerned about the brain injury he had sustained. Throughout the morning she updated me but was unprepared when she told me that the doctors were taking Michael into surgery to put a shunt in his brain to drain fluids. They reiterated to her the seriousness of the situation and told her that he may not make it. Even though I understood the gravity of what she was telling me, I knew that he would.
While all of this was going on, I got a call from Jeff telling me that his boss had arranged and paid for
an airline ticket for me to fly up to Utah that afternoon. My sister-in-law, Debbie, jumped on the same flight and went with me; somehow she knew that I shouldn’t be alone facing such a daunting situation.
When I arrived at the hospital, now approximately 18 hours after the accident, I got off the elevator and was overwhelmed at the number of Mike’s friends in the waiting room keeping a vigil and waiting to hear any news about their friend. Lisa escorted me to the ICU, and as we walked to his room, I asked if I was going to be able to handle this and she assured me that I would (keep in mind that she had seen him in ER before they had cleaned him up…when he was at his worst). I was again overwhelmed when I walked into the room and saw my son hooked up to multiple machines keeping him alive, and in a very deep coma.
The Physician’s Assistant walked me to the computer in the room and showed me picture after picture of Michael’s brain and tried to explain what I was looking at and what it meant. Having had only a few hours of sleep, eating only a piece of toast throughout the day, and being in shock at the sight of my son, what she was telling me was more than I could comprehend. What I did understand was that the most severe brain injuries were to the brain stem—the critical part of the brain that affects living a productive life.
As the evening went on, I knew I needed some food and some sleep so thanked the ICU nurse for
watching over my son for the night. He seemed surprised that I was leaving…”in case anything happens in the night.” It frankly never crossed my mind at that point that he might die; I felt that he was in capable hands. Debbie volunteered to stay with Michael through the night and I left to get some much needed sleep. She later told me that the nurse had stood at the foot of Michael’s bed through most of the night watching him carefully and monitoring all of the equipment. I think that most of those working with him were not expecting him to make it through that first night.
I have decided to have a guest post from Mike's mom Lauri, it is here perspective of the first day. It has been difficult for me to write about the accident and the time right after it. It's hard to get motivated to write more about that time yet there is so much more to tell. Maybe having someone elses' words about that time will help me with motivation. I think it has been good for me to write and hopefully good for you to know what really happened.
The ringing phone woke me from the deep sleep I was in and as I reached for it, I glanced at the clock-
--12:33 A.M. The unfamiliar voice on the other end identified himself as an officer from the Lindon
Police Department. My immediate thought was of Jeffrey who was driving late into the night to reach
Northern California before morning. I asked if Jeff was alright. The officer informed me that he was
calling about Kevin. The grogginess from being awakened from sleep caused confusion. I informed
the officer that Kevin had passed away 10 years before. He asked if I was the mother of Kevin Michael Benson. When I indicated that I was, he informed me that Kevin (Michael) had been in a serious motorcycle accident and was being taken to the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I asked if he was OK and the only thing he could tell me was that he was unconscious when he was airflighted from the scene. Before hanging up, he gave me his phone number in the event I needed anything or had further questions.
I immediately rolled out of bed and fell on my knees. Not knowing the type or extent of the injuries,
I simply prayed that Michael would be healed both body and mind. I was immediately reassured that
that would be the case. I then got on the phone and called Aunt Julie (my aunt who lives in Utah) and
asked if she and Grant could go check on Michael and if Grant could give Michael a blessing.
My next thoughts were of Lisa, Michael’s fiancé of three weeks. Although I knew her last name, I didn’t know what city she lived in or any other contact information. I had an e-mail address and quickly sent an e-mail to her asking her to call me immediately when she read it but I knew that she needed to know sooner than that and that she needed to be at the hospital immediately. I got on the computer and began a search and after a few minutes, found her address. I called the police officer back and asked if he would go to her house and let her know about Michael and have her call me when she had any news.
As I paced back and forth through the house trying to figure out my next step, my doorbell rang. It
Garry and Debie (my brother and sister-in-law); they had been contacted by Julie and told about the
accident and that I probably was in need of comfort. After visiting for a few minutes, Garry offered
to give me a blessing. It was a blessing of comfort but I was slightly taken back when I was told in the blessing that I would have the wherewithal to make all the decisions that were necessary in Michael’s behalf.
Just as the sun was coming up, Lisa called me with the first update. Michael was in critical condition. He broke his femur in 2 places, his ribs were broken, a lung was punctured, he had multiple cuts, scratches, and bruises but the doctors were most concerned about the brain injury he had sustained. Throughout the morning she updated me but was unprepared when she told me that the doctors were taking Michael into surgery to put a shunt in his brain to drain fluids. They reiterated to her the seriousness of the situation and told her that he may not make it. Even though I understood the gravity of what she was telling me, I knew that he would.
While all of this was going on, I got a call from Jeff telling me that his boss had arranged and paid for
an airline ticket for me to fly up to Utah that afternoon. My sister-in-law, Debbie, jumped on the same flight and went with me; somehow she knew that I shouldn’t be alone facing such a daunting situation.
When I arrived at the hospital, now approximately 18 hours after the accident, I got off the elevator and was overwhelmed at the number of Mike’s friends in the waiting room keeping a vigil and waiting to hear any news about their friend. Lisa escorted me to the ICU, and as we walked to his room, I asked if I was going to be able to handle this and she assured me that I would (keep in mind that she had seen him in ER before they had cleaned him up…when he was at his worst). I was again overwhelmed when I walked into the room and saw my son hooked up to multiple machines keeping him alive, and in a very deep coma.
The Physician’s Assistant walked me to the computer in the room and showed me picture after picture of Michael’s brain and tried to explain what I was looking at and what it meant. Having had only a few hours of sleep, eating only a piece of toast throughout the day, and being in shock at the sight of my son, what she was telling me was more than I could comprehend. What I did understand was that the most severe brain injuries were to the brain stem—the critical part of the brain that affects living a productive life.
As the evening went on, I knew I needed some food and some sleep so thanked the ICU nurse for
watching over my son for the night. He seemed surprised that I was leaving…”in case anything happens in the night.” It frankly never crossed my mind at that point that he might die; I felt that he was in capable hands. Debbie volunteered to stay with Michael through the night and I left to get some much needed sleep. She later told me that the nurse had stood at the foot of Michael’s bed through most of the night watching him carefully and monitoring all of the equipment. I think that most of those working with him were not expecting him to make it through that first night.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Slow and Steady Wins the Race?
(July 2012)
While I am jogging I always tell myself "slow and steady wins the race", it helps me keep my pace and not get in a hurry. It always seemed like a good philosophy but I haven't really put it to the test. Until......
A few months ago Lauri and decided that our lives weren't difficult enough so we needed to run a 5k (I know CRAZY right). At the time it seemed like an insurmountable undertaking, all I did was go to work and hang out with Mike which basically entails laying beside him in bed. Once the goal was set, it took a couple of months of contemplation before I did anything because I didn't know how I was going to add jogging to my life. I finally decided I needed to just make the time and do it. If I packed exercise cloths in the morning and took them with me to work I would have them when I visited Mike and I could take some time out to jog. I got on a jogging schedule and realized just how out of shape I was. I kept telling myself "slow and steady wins the race". It was hard but I was determined and Michael always seemed proud of me when I returned.
Finally the day arrived and I was as prepared as I could be (well besides the waisted "contemplation months"). I made sure I had a super cute outfit to run in, I knew I wasn't going to go very fast but at least I could look good. My sister Katie joined us for the fun, we lined up, and we were off. I picked my slow and steady pace and started jogging. My pace was too slow for Lauri so she went on her way while Katie and I hung back waiting for everyone else to start dropping out of the race due to there not slow and steady pace. I kept my pace the whole time, it got very hard but I didn't give up or start walking I just kept going. As the finish line came into view I realized that although I ran slow and steady, I didn't win, in fact there were very few people who came in after me. I came in last for my age categories and to be honest most people could walk at the same pace I ran. The cool thing was that as we were passed up by the half marathoners who had been running much further than us they did not laugh they would cheer us on.
I have often wondered about those who come in last or near last in a 5k. Were they embarrassed? Did they even train for the race? Why were they even bothering to do the race at all. Now that I was one of "them" I realized not only how you feel, but what "slow and steady wins the race" really means. Despite what others may have thought I did train for the race. I was not embarrassed about my time or how I did in the race at all. I knew I had done my best and given my circumstances this was not an easy undertaking. I had given all I could at this time and this was the fruits of it. "Slow and steady wins the race" is really more about life than an actual race. Sometimes in life we have more to give than others, this is due to our circumstances, our "slow" pace at one time in our lives can seem like a sprint at other times. We can only do what we can do and we should not do more or less than that. If we do this we can make it to the end and in the race of life we are only compared to ourselves. We should not look at what others "pace" and feel bad that our pace is slower (unless we are just being lazy) or feel superior to others because our "pace" is faster. We are all at different places in are lives and we should just cheer each other on.
While I am jogging I always tell myself "slow and steady wins the race", it helps me keep my pace and not get in a hurry. It always seemed like a good philosophy but I haven't really put it to the test. Until......
A few months ago Lauri and decided that our lives weren't difficult enough so we needed to run a 5k (I know CRAZY right). At the time it seemed like an insurmountable undertaking, all I did was go to work and hang out with Mike which basically entails laying beside him in bed. Once the goal was set, it took a couple of months of contemplation before I did anything because I didn't know how I was going to add jogging to my life. I finally decided I needed to just make the time and do it. If I packed exercise cloths in the morning and took them with me to work I would have them when I visited Mike and I could take some time out to jog. I got on a jogging schedule and realized just how out of shape I was. I kept telling myself "slow and steady wins the race". It was hard but I was determined and Michael always seemed proud of me when I returned.
Finally the day arrived and I was as prepared as I could be (well besides the waisted "contemplation months"). I made sure I had a super cute outfit to run in, I knew I wasn't going to go very fast but at least I could look good. My sister Katie joined us for the fun, we lined up, and we were off. I picked my slow and steady pace and started jogging. My pace was too slow for Lauri so she went on her way while Katie and I hung back waiting for everyone else to start dropping out of the race due to there not slow and steady pace. I kept my pace the whole time, it got very hard but I didn't give up or start walking I just kept going. As the finish line came into view I realized that although I ran slow and steady, I didn't win, in fact there were very few people who came in after me. I came in last for my age categories and to be honest most people could walk at the same pace I ran. The cool thing was that as we were passed up by the half marathoners who had been running much further than us they did not laugh they would cheer us on.
I have often wondered about those who come in last or near last in a 5k. Were they embarrassed? Did they even train for the race? Why were they even bothering to do the race at all. Now that I was one of "them" I realized not only how you feel, but what "slow and steady wins the race" really means. Despite what others may have thought I did train for the race. I was not embarrassed about my time or how I did in the race at all. I knew I had done my best and given my circumstances this was not an easy undertaking. I had given all I could at this time and this was the fruits of it. "Slow and steady wins the race" is really more about life than an actual race. Sometimes in life we have more to give than others, this is due to our circumstances, our "slow" pace at one time in our lives can seem like a sprint at other times. We can only do what we can do and we should not do more or less than that. If we do this we can make it to the end and in the race of life we are only compared to ourselves. We should not look at what others "pace" and feel bad that our pace is slower (unless we are just being lazy) or feel superior to others because our "pace" is faster. We are all at different places in are lives and we should just cheer each other on.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Lauri, woman of mystery
(July 2012)
snow shoeing,
bike riding,
picnicking,
I'm usually pretty self-centered
when it comes to my blog posts but today I'm going to deviate and write about
Lauri (Mikes Mom). It also happens to be here birthday today (coincidence?)
I liked Lauri before I even met her.
When we were dating, Michael would tell me about his mom and I couldn't help
but be impressed. Let me give you a little back ground: Lauri is a mother of 3
great kids, Michael (is the oldest), Katie, and Jeff, which she raised with her wonderful
husband Kevin. When her children were mostly grown, Kevin got a very aggressive
form of cancer and passed away. Lauri finished raising the youngest (he was 15
at the time) and went back to school. After getting her bachelor degree, Lauri
moved from California to Arizona by herself. There she did more schooling and
got her master’s degree. During all this she also taught seminary, worked as a
long term substitute teacher (she taught almost every subject known to man),
and held her family together all alone.
I liked Lauri not only because she
is impressive but because I could relate to her. Being a single girl who was
making her own way in life, I could understand where Lauri was coming from and
I felt that she could do the same for me. After meeting Lauri for the first
time my feelings about her were confirmed and I liked her even more. Plus she
is such a classy lady so I had even more to aspire to. I was excited to be a part
of the family and to get to know her better.
The
first time I me Lauri (Christmas with Lauri, Jeff, Mike and Lucky)
Then "The Accident"
happened and ready or not Lauri and I were thrown together. At the time, Lauri
and I had only spoken on the phone once for a very brief, awkward conversation.
Now we were discussing life and death on a daily basis. Right off the bat it
wasn't "I'm the MOTHER you're just the fiancé" we were a team trying to
get through this tough situation together. We made every decision together, prayed
together, counseled together, cried together, and laughed together. It
took me awhile to realize how amazing this was. I have heard stories of similar
situations where the family comes in and immediately puts the fiancé or even
the spouse in the back seat. This never happened to me I was always treated as
an equal by both the family and the hospital and I am SO grateful.
I have such a great love for Lauri.
I feel like Ruth and Naomi from the Old Testament, well besides the leaving my
family (I have a great and supportive family and mother) and being a widow
thing (Michael is very much alive). Lauri is a righteous woman with so much
faith and endurance it is amazing I am constantly learning from her. We have
been through so much together and because we are both single woman, we rely on
each other for support.
Lauri has left Michael in Utah so we
can be together. She travels up every other weekend from Arizona to see Michael
and take care of the constant barrage of issues that seem to always surround
us. She stays with me when she comes and it is always the highlight of my
month. We always have plenty to talk about, although, we seem to talk about the
same things over and over. Because we have each other, we don't need a therapist
or to annoy those around us by tell them the same things over and
over again. We also have fun and try to do some sort of girl adventure every
couple of months, so far we have;
been camping,
hiking,
bike riding,
picnicking,
pottery painting, shopping, cupcake eating, and walking.
This Saturday we will add to our adventures by doing a 5k. Yes Lauri just
turned 55 and she is going to run a 5k see how impressive she is?
Now you know Michael has an amazing mother (if you didn't already know that). We have become great friends and I won't admit to how many times we call each other. I couldn't do this without her.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
It Smells Like Birthdays in Here
(June 2012)
June is birthday season for Mike and I. My birthday is June 14th and Mikes birthday is June 21st exactly one week later. It's great to have my birthday first because I can see what Michael does and act accordingly for his birthday (hahaha). The truth of the mater is that we have never spent our birthdays together outside of a hospital :( Which, including our most resent birthdays have been three.
Our first birthdays together were depressing to say the least. Mike was still pretty much in a coma and I was not in a partying mood. I tried to cheer myself up so I made Mike bye me these super cute impractical shoes:
I must admit there cuteness did make me feel a little better.
For Mike's birthday I decided he needed to look less like a hospital patient and more like a BYU fan so I bought him a BYU jersey. The problem was that because he still had a trach in at the time, he could not put it on like a normal shirt. So being the smart UofU graduate that I am, I cut a slit up the back so he could just slide it on like a hospital gown. I tried to party with him but it was kind of a bust for both of our birthdays.
The following year was much better Lauri talked to Mike about what to get me and he basically told her (through a series of eye blinks) that he trusted her to pick me out a gift. So he gave me a mini Ice cream maker which I love. I'm glad Michael knows when he is in over his head and lets his mom take over. We had a lot of fun and went to Sonic for Icees.
Mikes Birthday was not quite as fun but not due to lack of effort. I decided he needed something great so I blended up an In-N-Out burger (animal style) and some animal style fries. Michael was able to eat soft things pretty well at the time so he was able to have his favorite In-N-Out burger for his B-day (I guess this part worked out well).
I also wanted to have a bonfire party for him but due to the difficulty of getting around and Michael's early bird tendencies, it ended up being a party in the park mid-day with a mobile fire pit. I would say it worked out great but that would be quite the exaggeration. It was such a hot day and the walk to the park was kind of long. By the time we got there, Mike was overheated and exhausted. Then the smoke from the little fire kept blowing in his face which made him cough endlessly. Poor Mike was sweating in the heat with smoke blowing in his face and bugs flying all around while he sat uncomfortably in his wheelchair. I know he loved seeing his friends but I think he wished it was under more comfortable circumstances. (I lost all my pictures of this b-day when my phone got stolen)
The good thing about me is I live and I learn so this year I tried to do it right. For my birthday I kept it low key so I could save my energy for Mikes birthday. My mom was in town so she hung out with me and Mike for my b-day. We opened presents with Mike, then went out to dinner, came back, and just watched a movie. Mike gave me a date in a box so the next date night I don't have to think of what to do.
A week later having been rested up I was ready to party for Mike. Lauri was able to get some time off work and come to town so I followed suite and also took the day off work. We started the party early we arranged for a transport van to pick Mike up at 10 am to bring us to Bridal Veil Falls up Provo Canyon. After a crazy van ride which Lauri described as "Mr. Toads Wild Ride", we made it to Nun's Park and hiked up to the falls. Our driver was nice enough to go with us a first to get some pictures.
Mike loved the hike and the falls we sat and watched them for a while. I asked Mike how many girls he tried to seduce at these falls. With a big smile on his face, he raised his hand and started counting with his fingers. I'm not sure the total number because he can only count to five but I discovered I wasn't the first girl he has gone to Bridal Veil Falls with. We went for a walk then back to the Falls. I gave Mike some rocks and like the boy he is, he threw them into the creek. It was hard for him to get the fluid action of throwing but with practice he got pretty good at it.
It was time to go and we were all happy, what a great birthday adventure. Once we got back we rested up, watched some crazy videos his nephews sent him, finally opened his presents, and invited friends and family over for cupcakes. Mike had some fun old friends come and some of my family that lives close by. It was an enjoyable evening. Michael loved all the visitors and gifts and was worn out but happy by the end of the day. I guess it just took some practice and help from his mom to finally have a successful birthday.
June is birthday season for Mike and I. My birthday is June 14th and Mikes birthday is June 21st exactly one week later. It's great to have my birthday first because I can see what Michael does and act accordingly for his birthday (hahaha). The truth of the mater is that we have never spent our birthdays together outside of a hospital :( Which, including our most resent birthdays have been three.
Our first birthdays together were depressing to say the least. Mike was still pretty much in a coma and I was not in a partying mood. I tried to cheer myself up so I made Mike bye me these super cute impractical shoes:
For Mike's birthday I decided he needed to look less like a hospital patient and more like a BYU fan so I bought him a BYU jersey. The problem was that because he still had a trach in at the time, he could not put it on like a normal shirt. So being the smart UofU graduate that I am, I cut a slit up the back so he could just slide it on like a hospital gown. I tried to party with him but it was kind of a bust for both of our birthdays.
The following year was much better Lauri talked to Mike about what to get me and he basically told her (through a series of eye blinks) that he trusted her to pick me out a gift. So he gave me a mini Ice cream maker which I love. I'm glad Michael knows when he is in over his head and lets his mom take over. We had a lot of fun and went to Sonic for Icees.
Mikes Birthday was not quite as fun but not due to lack of effort. I decided he needed something great so I blended up an In-N-Out burger (animal style) and some animal style fries. Michael was able to eat soft things pretty well at the time so he was able to have his favorite In-N-Out burger for his B-day (I guess this part worked out well).
I also wanted to have a bonfire party for him but due to the difficulty of getting around and Michael's early bird tendencies, it ended up being a party in the park mid-day with a mobile fire pit. I would say it worked out great but that would be quite the exaggeration. It was such a hot day and the walk to the park was kind of long. By the time we got there, Mike was overheated and exhausted. Then the smoke from the little fire kept blowing in his face which made him cough endlessly. Poor Mike was sweating in the heat with smoke blowing in his face and bugs flying all around while he sat uncomfortably in his wheelchair. I know he loved seeing his friends but I think he wished it was under more comfortable circumstances. (I lost all my pictures of this b-day when my phone got stolen)
The good thing about me is I live and I learn so this year I tried to do it right. For my birthday I kept it low key so I could save my energy for Mikes birthday. My mom was in town so she hung out with me and Mike for my b-day. We opened presents with Mike, then went out to dinner, came back, and just watched a movie. Mike gave me a date in a box so the next date night I don't have to think of what to do.
A week later having been rested up I was ready to party for Mike. Lauri was able to get some time off work and come to town so I followed suite and also took the day off work. We started the party early we arranged for a transport van to pick Mike up at 10 am to bring us to Bridal Veil Falls up Provo Canyon. After a crazy van ride which Lauri described as "Mr. Toads Wild Ride", we made it to Nun's Park and hiked up to the falls. Our driver was nice enough to go with us a first to get some pictures.
Mike loved the hike and the falls we sat and watched them for a while. I asked Mike how many girls he tried to seduce at these falls. With a big smile on his face, he raised his hand and started counting with his fingers. I'm not sure the total number because he can only count to five but I discovered I wasn't the first girl he has gone to Bridal Veil Falls with. We went for a walk then back to the Falls. I gave Mike some rocks and like the boy he is, he threw them into the creek. It was hard for him to get the fluid action of throwing but with practice he got pretty good at it.
It was time to go and we were all happy, what a great birthday adventure. Once we got back we rested up, watched some crazy videos his nephews sent him, finally opened his presents, and invited friends and family over for cupcakes. Mike had some fun old friends come and some of my family that lives close by. It was an enjoyable evening. Michael loved all the visitors and gifts and was worn out but happy by the end of the day. I guess it just took some practice and help from his mom to finally have a successful birthday.
Monday, June 18, 2012
No Means No!
(April 2012)
Michael's main mode of communication is indicating yes or no. We have tried many different methods for doing this. I've mentioned my favorite which are thumbs up-thumbs down, or close eyes for yes, eyes open for no. We also have signs that we glued to fly swatters that say YES and NO. For a time, you would hold the signs in different hands and Michael would look at the one that indicated his answer. Then after awhile, he would point with a pointer at the one that indicates his answer.
Lauri and I were playing around with Michael having him answer questions by pointing to the signs. He was doing really well and we learned some interesting things like; he still doesn't like Macs or the Utes, and he says he remembers the accident (I hope this isn't true). Soon we all grew tired of the questioning and decided to move onto something different. Lauri wanted Mike to show off for me so she asked him to raise his arm high above his head (which he had been doing earlier for her). As she was asking him to do it, instead of moving his arm up he was moving it down. I tried to encourage him, "come on babe raise your arm". He continued to move his arm down instead of up and then he was fumbling around his lap. I couldn't figure out what he was doing until I saw what he was trying to grab for. Finally he found the handle to the NO sign and held it up to his mom. With a satisfied smile on his face, Michael made sure he turned it just right for optimal mom reading (Boo Yeah!). This made us laugh so hard, it was good to see that Michael hasn't lost his sense of humor and I bet it felt so good for him to have some say in his life.. We now make sure the signs are no where in sight when we are trying to force Mike to do something.
Michael's main mode of communication is indicating yes or no. We have tried many different methods for doing this. I've mentioned my favorite which are thumbs up-thumbs down, or close eyes for yes, eyes open for no. We also have signs that we glued to fly swatters that say YES and NO. For a time, you would hold the signs in different hands and Michael would look at the one that indicated his answer. Then after awhile, he would point with a pointer at the one that indicates his answer.
Lauri and I were playing around with Michael having him answer questions by pointing to the signs. He was doing really well and we learned some interesting things like; he still doesn't like Macs or the Utes, and he says he remembers the accident (I hope this isn't true). Soon we all grew tired of the questioning and decided to move onto something different. Lauri wanted Mike to show off for me so she asked him to raise his arm high above his head (which he had been doing earlier for her). As she was asking him to do it, instead of moving his arm up he was moving it down. I tried to encourage him, "come on babe raise your arm". He continued to move his arm down instead of up and then he was fumbling around his lap. I couldn't figure out what he was doing until I saw what he was trying to grab for. Finally he found the handle to the NO sign and held it up to his mom. With a satisfied smile on his face, Michael made sure he turned it just right for optimal mom reading (Boo Yeah!). This made us laugh so hard, it was good to see that Michael hasn't lost his sense of humor and I bet it felt so good for him to have some say in his life.. We now make sure the signs are no where in sight when we are trying to force Mike to do something.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
The First Day Part 2
(March 2010)
....Michael's room was empty and it devastated me. Where could he be? I went to the nurses station to see what they could tell me. The nurses looked in the computer to see what had happened and suddenly there was a change in their tone and helpfulness. They told me that Michael had another CAT scan earlier and things had changed so he was sent for emergency neuro surgery. They sent a nurse to show me where the surgery was and to explain what was going on. Katie (my sister) and I followed him as he used analogies to explain what was going on with Michael's brain. I was told this analogy several times but for the life of me I don't remember it, so sorry I can't share it with you, I'm sure it was really good. I did get the idea that it was not good and he left us in the waiting room while he got the P.A. (physicians assistant) to fill in the blanks.
Tom (the P.A.) looked like a non-threatening guy (looks can be deceiving), he came and talked to me about what was going on with Mike. Tom told me that the CAT scan they took right after the accident and the one they took that morning were like day and night (not in a good way). He used the same analogy that the nurse did, sorry I know your dying to hear it but I can't remember. What I can tell you is that his brain was swelling and they didn't have a good way to relieve the pressure. The surgery was to put a monitor in is head to track the pressure on the brain and a tub that could drain fluids to give the brain more room to swell. He explained that sometimes when people hurt there brain it is in a specific location so they can remove part of the skull to give the brain more room to swell. But Michael's whole brain was hurt so that was not a possibility. Then he said "so we will take things minute by minute, then maybe we could get to hour by hour or day by day." I looked at him and said "are you saying Michael could die." He looked at me with at "well duh" look and said "yes". Until this moment I never thought of death as a possibility especially because of the way I had felt after I prayed and in the quiet moments.
I went into shock I couldn't believe what was going on, just a few hours ago we had our whole lives ahead of us. I was sitting next to Katie holding her hand and I was looking out the waiting room door while a flood of thoughts and feelings washed over me. I thought about Michael dying and wondered if this was what was going to happen. I let myself accept that this could be the reality of the situation and I let myself feel what that would be. I then started praying in my heart for the Lord to tell me if what the P.A. told me was true. Was Michael going to die? As I pondered this I had a strong feeling that he was not going to die. During this time Katie was talking to me, trying to see if I wanted her to call my brother. I heard her but I could not answer her, I think this must have totally freaked her out that her sister was just staring into space and not responding. Finally she gave up on me and said "I'm calling Kurt" (my brother). Once I felt that I understood the situation I came out of my shock (mostly). I decided I better call Lauri and tell her to come ASAP until this time we knew his accident was serious but none of us thought it was life threatening.
I went to call Lauri and I realized that I left my phone in the ICU. The thought of having to work my way back to the ICU was overwhelming at that moment if felt like being asked to climb Mt. Everest. Fortunately I had my sister with me and she gave me her phone and went to retrieve my phone for me (see it was a good thing I had her come.) I couldn't call Lauri with Katie's phone so I called my mother in the mean time. I told her all the awful things Tom had told me and cried my voice was shaky but as I talked to her and told her how I felt as I prayed the strong feeling that he would not die and of peace came back to me. My mother made plans for her and my dad to come from Rexburg (4 hours). Katie got back with the phone and I'm glad I talked to my mom first because I was totally calm when I explained to Lauri what was going on and she needed to get here ASAP. She agreed and said she already booked a flight that would get her into Provo around 5 pm.
Then the waiting began, first I was waiting for his brain monitor to be placed. The Neuro surgeon and his PA came and talked to me about his surgery and his condition I think they even used the same analogy (I know I should remember it). They sent him right into surgery for his leg which was broken in 3 places. Because it was his femur, they needed to stabilize it by putting a rod through it. Michael wasn't stable enough for that surgery so they had to do it externally which involved screwing a metal bar to his leg. So then I was waiting for his leg surgery. By this time I had been at the hospital for at least 7 hours and I had only seen him briefly in the very beginning. Then I glimpsed him being rolled back to the ICU so I hurried back to see him but then I had to wait for him to be put back to bed and situate him. Michael was hooked up to all kinds of monitors and a ventilator to help him breath it was actually quite noise in his room. Finally, Finally, I was able to see him and be with him it felt good to finally hold his hand and be near him.
The rest of the day was a whirl of activity going on around me. During his surgeries the word had gotten out about the accident and his friends started arriving and setting up a vigil. I'm sure I talked to them at some point but I really don't recall. My brother Kurt arrived from Salt Lake and gave me a priesthood blessing to help me deal with the situation. Mikes aunt and uncle returned and at some point my parents arrived. My sister and cousin made a trip to my house to get me real close because up to that point I was in pajamas (at least it was sweats and a T shirt). At one point while in with Mike, I was holding his hand and suddenly I couldn't feel "him" any more I looked at his face and it was super white. I started getting worried when suddenly the nurses rushed in and sent me out. When I was let back in I found out his lung just collapsed because of the broken ribs so they put a chest tub in to help keep air in it.
Finally at 5:30 Lauri arrived with aunt Debbie (Mike's aunt), I was so worried they wouldn't let her in because it was shift change, again, and I knew from previous experience what sticklers they were about it. Fortunately given the gravity of the situation they relented and let her in when she came. Lauri asked me how Michael looked and if she would be able to handle it. I told her he looked pretty good and that she would most definitely have no problem. What I didn't realize is that just because someone looks better than they did when you first saw them does not mean they look good. Lauri was in for a shock. After Lauri successfully fought the urge to faint after seeing Mike the medical staff descended on her and started filling her in on everything I'm sure they used the same analogy they told me so if you want to know she might remember it. I didn't want to hear it all again and feeling that I could pass the torch to someone else, exhaustion set in. I decided to make my exit and had my parents drive me home for much needed rest.
I slept for a couple of hours and woke up wondering if I should return to the hospital. As I thought about it I realized that Michael was going to make it through the night and that this was going to be a long haul so I needed my sleep more than I needed to be at the hospital. I made myself go back to bed and sleep. I found out later that Lauri felt the same way and left the hospital around 10 or 11. The nurses were so concerned that Michael would die during the night and none of us would be around they asked Lauri if she was sure she wanted to leave. Luck for both of us Mikes aunt Debbie stepped up and said she would spend the night with him. When I heard this I was so grateful to know that Mike wasn't alone during the night and that his mom and I were both able to get much needed sleep.
....Michael's room was empty and it devastated me. Where could he be? I went to the nurses station to see what they could tell me. The nurses looked in the computer to see what had happened and suddenly there was a change in their tone and helpfulness. They told me that Michael had another CAT scan earlier and things had changed so he was sent for emergency neuro surgery. They sent a nurse to show me where the surgery was and to explain what was going on. Katie (my sister) and I followed him as he used analogies to explain what was going on with Michael's brain. I was told this analogy several times but for the life of me I don't remember it, so sorry I can't share it with you, I'm sure it was really good. I did get the idea that it was not good and he left us in the waiting room while he got the P.A. (physicians assistant) to fill in the blanks.
Tom (the P.A.) looked like a non-threatening guy (looks can be deceiving), he came and talked to me about what was going on with Mike. Tom told me that the CAT scan they took right after the accident and the one they took that morning were like day and night (not in a good way). He used the same analogy that the nurse did, sorry I know your dying to hear it but I can't remember. What I can tell you is that his brain was swelling and they didn't have a good way to relieve the pressure. The surgery was to put a monitor in is head to track the pressure on the brain and a tub that could drain fluids to give the brain more room to swell. He explained that sometimes when people hurt there brain it is in a specific location so they can remove part of the skull to give the brain more room to swell. But Michael's whole brain was hurt so that was not a possibility. Then he said "so we will take things minute by minute, then maybe we could get to hour by hour or day by day." I looked at him and said "are you saying Michael could die." He looked at me with at "well duh" look and said "yes". Until this moment I never thought of death as a possibility especially because of the way I had felt after I prayed and in the quiet moments.
I went into shock I couldn't believe what was going on, just a few hours ago we had our whole lives ahead of us. I was sitting next to Katie holding her hand and I was looking out the waiting room door while a flood of thoughts and feelings washed over me. I thought about Michael dying and wondered if this was what was going to happen. I let myself accept that this could be the reality of the situation and I let myself feel what that would be. I then started praying in my heart for the Lord to tell me if what the P.A. told me was true. Was Michael going to die? As I pondered this I had a strong feeling that he was not going to die. During this time Katie was talking to me, trying to see if I wanted her to call my brother. I heard her but I could not answer her, I think this must have totally freaked her out that her sister was just staring into space and not responding. Finally she gave up on me and said "I'm calling Kurt" (my brother). Once I felt that I understood the situation I came out of my shock (mostly). I decided I better call Lauri and tell her to come ASAP until this time we knew his accident was serious but none of us thought it was life threatening.
I went to call Lauri and I realized that I left my phone in the ICU. The thought of having to work my way back to the ICU was overwhelming at that moment if felt like being asked to climb Mt. Everest. Fortunately I had my sister with me and she gave me her phone and went to retrieve my phone for me (see it was a good thing I had her come.) I couldn't call Lauri with Katie's phone so I called my mother in the mean time. I told her all the awful things Tom had told me and cried my voice was shaky but as I talked to her and told her how I felt as I prayed the strong feeling that he would not die and of peace came back to me. My mother made plans for her and my dad to come from Rexburg (4 hours). Katie got back with the phone and I'm glad I talked to my mom first because I was totally calm when I explained to Lauri what was going on and she needed to get here ASAP. She agreed and said she already booked a flight that would get her into Provo around 5 pm.
Then the waiting began, first I was waiting for his brain monitor to be placed. The Neuro surgeon and his PA came and talked to me about his surgery and his condition I think they even used the same analogy (I know I should remember it). They sent him right into surgery for his leg which was broken in 3 places. Because it was his femur, they needed to stabilize it by putting a rod through it. Michael wasn't stable enough for that surgery so they had to do it externally which involved screwing a metal bar to his leg. So then I was waiting for his leg surgery. By this time I had been at the hospital for at least 7 hours and I had only seen him briefly in the very beginning. Then I glimpsed him being rolled back to the ICU so I hurried back to see him but then I had to wait for him to be put back to bed and situate him. Michael was hooked up to all kinds of monitors and a ventilator to help him breath it was actually quite noise in his room. Finally, Finally, I was able to see him and be with him it felt good to finally hold his hand and be near him.
The rest of the day was a whirl of activity going on around me. During his surgeries the word had gotten out about the accident and his friends started arriving and setting up a vigil. I'm sure I talked to them at some point but I really don't recall. My brother Kurt arrived from Salt Lake and gave me a priesthood blessing to help me deal with the situation. Mikes aunt and uncle returned and at some point my parents arrived. My sister and cousin made a trip to my house to get me real close because up to that point I was in pajamas (at least it was sweats and a T shirt). At one point while in with Mike, I was holding his hand and suddenly I couldn't feel "him" any more I looked at his face and it was super white. I started getting worried when suddenly the nurses rushed in and sent me out. When I was let back in I found out his lung just collapsed because of the broken ribs so they put a chest tub in to help keep air in it.
Finally at 5:30 Lauri arrived with aunt Debbie (Mike's aunt), I was so worried they wouldn't let her in because it was shift change, again, and I knew from previous experience what sticklers they were about it. Fortunately given the gravity of the situation they relented and let her in when she came. Lauri asked me how Michael looked and if she would be able to handle it. I told her he looked pretty good and that she would most definitely have no problem. What I didn't realize is that just because someone looks better than they did when you first saw them does not mean they look good. Lauri was in for a shock. After Lauri successfully fought the urge to faint after seeing Mike the medical staff descended on her and started filling her in on everything I'm sure they used the same analogy they told me so if you want to know she might remember it. I didn't want to hear it all again and feeling that I could pass the torch to someone else, exhaustion set in. I decided to make my exit and had my parents drive me home for much needed rest.
I slept for a couple of hours and woke up wondering if I should return to the hospital. As I thought about it I realized that Michael was going to make it through the night and that this was going to be a long haul so I needed my sleep more than I needed to be at the hospital. I made myself go back to bed and sleep. I found out later that Lauri felt the same way and left the hospital around 10 or 11. The nurses were so concerned that Michael would die during the night and none of us would be around they asked Lauri if she was sure she wanted to leave. Luck for both of us Mikes aunt Debbie stepped up and said she would spend the night with him. When I heard this I was so grateful to know that Mike wasn't alone during the night and that his mom and I were both able to get much needed sleep.
Mike in ICU
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